Kakahead

I’m blessed with a good job, but it does come with a price:  I commute.   Work is about an hour drive away, most of it highway driving.  Fifty six miles.  As a bonus I get to enjoy the company of  fellow commuters who seem convinced that they own the roads.

Are drivers in general just completely losing their marbles???  I mean, there I was, 10,000 feet in the air, no plane, no parachute…  Oh… wrong story.  But like, there I go, each day, 56 miles one way on the expressway and some on the not-so-expressful-way, and I try to move right along but keep myself safe in the process.   Ever since gas went over $2.00 a gallon, I’ve set my cruise control to 65 mph on the highway.   Of course, that often means people are flying past me.  That’s fine with me.   When the weather is warm my Toyota Corolla gets 40 plus miles to a gallon when I cruise at 65.

I maintain a safe following distance:   driver safety folks say you should be AT LEAST 2 seconds behind the car in front of you or you can’t react quickly enough.  If you are in doubt you’re supposed to pick an object like a mile marker the car ahead is passing, then count aloud:  “one one-thousand, two one-thousand.”   If you get to the mile marker before the end of saying “two one-thousand” you’re too close.   This is a good rule of thumb for DRY PAVEMENT. Obviously if the road is slippery you should allow even more following distance.

I say “obviously,”  but too many drivers, young and old alike, seem intent upon sniffing my exhaust pipe with their front bumpers.  They are often so close that I really think they should at least offer me some candy or perhaps a nice dinner or something before they ram me in the hiney with their car.  I don’t let them stay there long.  If it’s daytime I turn on my tail lights to simulate braking.  When that doesn’t work,  I on go the emergency flashers.  By then most of the hiney huggers get off my tail and / or pass me.  Otherwise I get out of the way when it’s safe.   Oh, and if they decide to keep hanging on my bumper there may be times when I suddenly notice that my windshield needs washing.   Mr. or Ms. Hiney Hugger then gets a face full of  free washer fluid.  That usually gets them to back off, but not always.

I think I need to be careful with that washer fluid business.  I had a guy who got plenty mad at me  flashing my flashers and washing my washings.  Never mind the fact that I was passing traffic but still maintaining a safe following distance from the bloke in front of me.  So I found a safe spot and slid over, and the guy gets up in front of me and slows down.  Way down.  So I slowed down even more.  Then he motioned with his hand to come closer.  No way, I thought.  Then he stuck his hand out the window and motioned some more.  Well, there was no way in Guacamole Land I was gonna indulge in road rage with this idiot.

As it was, I was “saved by the bell.”  The traffic on the interstate ground to a screeching halt, apparently due to an accident down the road.  Mr. Road Rage was by this time hugging the bumper of a large truck, and followed it right past the exit I took to get off the road and evade the traffic jam.  I looked over at him and smiled, he looked back at me as if to say, “What the!!!  You get back here and be mad with me!!!”    Ha ha, I laughed to his funny place in traffic, ha.  Ha ha to him.

When I was a bit younger, I’d be happy to display one of my “more memorable” fingers to an idiotic driver.  You know, just to show that I appreciate them.   I’ll admit it was not exactly a complimentary gesture on my part.  These days, if I do gesture I give the coo-coo head a nice  “thumbs up.”   Lets them know how pleased I am at their “expertise” without escalating the anger.

I’ve read stories about people getting shot while driving, and then I began to rethink the wisdom of the washer fluid funnies.  So I don’t wash my windows as often.  Well OK once in awhile.  Alright, most of the time my windows end up being really clean. Most importantly, I try to drive defensively.  I’m much too young to die!

I’m very grateful to be working, but I truly detest the commute.  When I took the job I was quizzed about the drive.  I knew in advance they had a plant much closer to my home (15 minutes) and that the guy who was doing the computer support for that plant was older than me and would therefore be retiring within a few years.  I was able to negotiate the ability to transfer when he retires.   All I have to do is survive another 78 weeks.

But who’s counting??