Kakahead

Being over 50 has advantages:  skills are honed over a long period.  In other words you get good at doing stuff, whether it’s cooking, gardening, computers or whatever.  And for me at least, as I get older I’ve come to learn my limitations on various things at which I’m not so good.

There was a time when I was really certain that if I only had the correct information; I could fix anything.  That of course included things with internal combustion engines.  Talk about your inflated ego… not a healthy place for me to be.  Fortunately though, I have long since come to understand that there are many things which are really better left to professionals.  I’ve learned my limitations.

I really have no clue about how to fix a lot of the stuff on things with gasoline motors.  Sure, I can do routine stuff like change the oil, and with smaller engines like the garden tractor or rototiller I can even change a spark plug and a drive belt here and there.  But if I have to get down and dirty with the guts of the engine, I call in the big boys.  I take them to the shop.

And with cars, forget about it already.  I change the oil, change the air filter, fill the washer fluid change the wipers.  Oh and I can keep the tires pressurized.  Other than that, we go to the shop.

So there I was, checking out the snowblower where our son lives and the stupid thing will only run when the choke is on.  Not very wonderful.  Even when it did run it would poop out easily.  Lucky for us we have Lyle down the road who repairs all types of small engines.  He does a great job, and doesn’t gouge us.  Very nice fellow.  My son and I took the blower over to his place around Hallowe’en I think… on a Saturday afternoon.  We spent the obligatory ½ hour talking about life, the universe and everything.  Then Lyle got down to business.

“I’ll take care of it, but it might be a few days,” he said cautiously.

“No rush, Lyle,” I said.  “Thanks for helping us out!!”

Next day we get a voice message on the phone:  “This is Lyle.  Snowblower’s ready!!  Your bill is $34.57”

He repaired the carburetor, changed the oil, lubed the cables.  Probably took him 45 minutes.  What a guy.  Super service!

So there I was, the next weekend, running the garden tractor.  Suddenly two big noises:  kerCHAK!!  kerPOW!!”  A cough and a very loud pop.  Tractor won’t start.  “Oh God Oh God… need to make another trip to Lyle’s” my brain chaos explodes into frantic visions of a huge bill.  I pushed the tractor out to the driveway.  This was no easy task mind you… had to make several stops to catch my breath.  Then I called our wonderful son Nate to come help me get it on the trailer.  “Need to get the tractor to Lyle’s,” I said.  “When it rains it pours.”  We grunted and shoved and oomphed and finally got it up on the trailer.

When we got to Lyle’s, I described the symptoms while the tractor sat dead on the trailer.  As we started with the obligatory discussion of life, the universe, and everything, we slowly revolved back to the tractor.  I stared at the back of my poor dead tractor; and suddenly my eyes caught a glimpse of something strange.  There is a sight port in the back of the tractor so you can see how much fuel is left.  There weren’t no any!!  “Ummm… Lyle, do you have any gas?  I think the &%$@ing thing is out of gas!!”

Sure enough.

We all had a big laugh over my silliness, and as we headed for home, Lyle chuckled and blurted out, “Ya know, I can’t make any money this way.”  I apologized about 8 million times and off we went.

So there I was, running the snowblower last month.  I heard some noises:  kerCHAK!!  kerPOW!!  The snowblower won’t start.  “Oh God!!  Oh God!!  It’s broke!!  Another trip to Lyle’s!!”  More brain chaos.  I heaved the snowblower back into the garage, and ALMOST went for the shovel, when a very small light bulb when off over my head.  “Maybe it needs gas…” I wondered.  Oh yeah, the tank was dry.

So there I was, driving home from work, when I hear this noise:  ppppphhhhWHEEET!!!  pppphhhfffWHEET!!!  I quick turn off the heater fan.  The noise goes away.  I run the fan some more, the noise comes back.  I turn the fan off.  The noise goes away.  I leave it off and the noise comes back!!  “OH GOD!!  OH GOD!!!  THE CRUISE CONTROL IS FLAKING OUT OR SOME OTHER VERY EXPENSIVE THING OH GOD I CAN’T TAKE IT OH GOD oh god oh ok settle down Ken…”  Then the noise went away with the fan running and the cruise on.  Then it came back this morning.  “OH GOD!!”

But I noticed something… this time the noise was accompanied by a strong wind which was pushing broadside against the car.  I watched for a clear spot in the traffic and leaned over and grabbed the window crank (remember crank windows??).  I gave the crank a little shove and the window went up just a bit.  THE STINKIN’ WINDOW WAS NOT CLOSED COMPLETELY.

Sheesh.

So here I am, working on telling my magnifying mind to please chill out and give me some rest.  Thankfully, the computer I’m typing this on isn’t making any strange noises.

AND… there’s nothing near me that runs on a gasoline engine.