But who’s counting?

I confess, I done did it.  Several months ago actually.  I put a countdown timer on my work computer.  Yes I did.  Then I set the timer for March 1, 2020 and stared at it for several weeks.

OK, maybe not.

But I do kick it off every now and then, just to allow myself a little hope amidst the madness that is industry.  For those who are unaware, if I make it to that date, I’ll be 66 and will finally be on the Retirement Bandwagon.  I say “if” because if there’s one thing I’ve learned thus far during my stay on this planet; it’s that there’s no such thing as a sure thing.  I feel pretty good about my chances though.  We try to eat right, I exercise pretty regularly, and I’m pretty healthy if I must say so myself.

Friends who know I installed the countdown timer have said, “are you trying to drive yourself nuts?  That would make me crazy.”  “No,” I reply, “it gives me hope, but also reminds me of how much I need to do between now and then.”  And of course I do love to remind my coworkers of my countdown; especially the younger ones.  We have this instant messaging program you see; and we can communicate between sites with the flick of a few typings.  So just for fun, I copy and paste the read out of the countdown clock and send it in a message.  The youngsters tell me they’re jealous, and then I remind them that I’ve already suffered for many years; so I deserve it, darn it anyway!!

Woulda – shoulda – coulda still creeps up on me every now and again however.  Oh, and not to forget the ‘fonlies (pronounced “fone-lees”).  You know, if I woulda saved more money like I shoulda, I coulda retired years ago.  And hey, ‘fonly I hadn’t wasted so much money on all that “fun,” I coulda had a lot more in the bank by now.

Well instead of all that, I’m just working on staying grateful.  I have a Beautiful Girlfriend who actually allowed me to marry her some years ago.  We have a nice home, beautiful children, awesome grandchildren.  We even have pets who love us unconditionally… although maybe they are just hooked on the situation of being well fed and having a warm place to sleep during the Michigan winter.  I am basically a spoiled rotten human… very blessed indeed.

I try to stay grateful for my job; and that works most of the time.  Sure, I’m human so I still whine from time to time.  I boast to my coworkers that I’m a “computer flunky,” very happy to be at the bottom of the chain of command in the salary ranks.  In other words, when the doody rolls downhill, I’m at the bottom; and that’s very OK with me.  Very grateful I have skills that translate into decent pay; but technology is more of a necessary evil than a source of wonder these days.  “I hate computers,” I mumble as I’m trying to noodle out a problem at work.  My friends laugh when they hear this; but I assure them that I’m not really kidding.  Then they tell me how smart I must be to do this kind of work; at which time I emphatically state “I’m just a trained monkey.”

Give me a hoe or a spading fork over a pile of hard drives or memory sticks any day.  My heart is in the soil; I love to grow food organically.  But that doesn’t bring in money as quickly as the job does, so if possible I hope to do that until the mortgage is finally gone.  Never know, they might give me the boot when I least expect it.  No such thing as a sure thing.

So now that you’ve heard my yearning for retirement, please e-mail me large amounts of cash and precious metals so I can quit my job and finish out my years with financial independence.  If every person who reads this were to send me just 10 cents, well sheesh, I’d probably have like 32 cents!!  Did you know there are three types of people in this world?  That’s right:  those who can count, and those who can’t.

Count me in.  For retirement I mean.  Well OK, in 5 years, 1 day and 9 minutes.

And now for something I really like, and I hope you will too.

Uh Oh… he’s at it again.  Fried chicken for dinner (that’s it… just fried chicken), chocolate for dessert.  Tomorrow it’s some smoked sausages with leftover potatoes and greens.  Maybe some potato chips, just for the heck of it.

Hmmm… let’s see what’s on the ROKU… old monster movies with very bad make up and “special effects.”  “The Wolf Monster Ate My Vampire Godmother’s Demon Fangs,” or something like that.  Who knows… just some weirdos in very bad costumes and women screaming.  Something to be on in the background while I write this silly blog thing.

Tomorrow I’m going to do something really self indulgent and go hang out with some friends, maybe even take Musky Da Husky to the Dog Star Ranch.  Would be a perfect time to do it; the forecast calls for a balmy 29 degrees tomorrow.  Then come home and do some terribly naughty stuff like stack some firewood or maybe shell some popcorn.

Where the heck is that new corn sheller I got for Christmas??  Anyway??

I may not know until Sunday when my Beautiful Girlfriend comes back from the Women’s Retreat.  Not sure what all they do there… but I do know that for one whole weekend a year I am left all alone with two geriatrics and a young adult.  High maintenance situation.

Never Anne is the oldest of the geriatrics.  If she hangs in until April, she’ll be 21… so old enough to buy and consume alcohol.  I doubt she’ll be doing any of that though, she’s a calico cat.

Next on the hit parade is Musky Da Husky.   Self explanatory name I guess, right?  If he makes it to June, he’ll be 14.  That’s pretty old for a dog.  Due to his not so wonderful childhood  (the neighbors “raised him” outside… all year long), he had cataracts when he came to our house at the ripe old age of one year.  The vet said poor nutrition was likely to blame for the cataracts.  We suspect the first year of a very stressful childhood may be also to blame for the COPD he has now.  Never met a dog with emphysema before… but we have one now.  He coughs often, and sometimes a little “surprise” flies out of his throat and onto the floor.  That in addition to the occasional “whoopsie” that Never Anne leaves for us (stinking outside the box?) has prompted me never to go barefoot in our home anymore.

Last but not least is Freddy the Freeloader.  He’s our 14 pound cat who adopted us a few years ago.  Well it was easy for him to adopt us, he was feral, and my Beautiful Girlfriend saw him slinking about and decided he needed a bowl of food.  We figure he was not quite a year old at the time; and had to be rushed to the vet due to an inner ear infection that made him nearly unable to stand.  We nursed him back to health in the house, and after letting him out for the first time he actually came back and made it very plain that hewanted to be inside    Since then he’s been our friend who still loves to go outside and play but very much enjoys a warm bed.   The rest as they say, is history.  He likes to test the strength of my knees in the middle of the night by plopping his  body across them as I lay sleeping.  Gotta love that guy.

So as  you all can see, I’m partying down here in Bear Swamp while my Lovely Bride is gone for the weekend.  OK!!  Time for chocolate!!

And now for a party cartoon thing… I have to admit, I still love Betty Boop…