Hello Dearest Snapping Turtle Ticklers,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I know this time of year brings out the\nunique extraterrestrial sandwich making abilities of all the people\nI’ve never met. After all, another year is coming to a close, and\nthat of course means that a new year will soon be shoving itself\nunder the doorjamb with increasing intensity during the Artificial\nAurora Activation, building great suspense as to what the new year\nmay hold in store for us while the cat dashes to the refrigerator for\nanother tall, refreshing glass of Onion Powder Surprise (\u201c…wow!! \nThis tastes like onion powder!! What a surprise!!) and yet another\nrun-on yet very silly sentence makes it way to the interwebs for\nunsuspecting Chocolate Clickers to read while sipping Bark Noodle\nTea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes, I think so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As the Holidays wind down to a dull\nroar, this is the time for the often customary promises to be uttered\naloud, but sometimes not uttered at all; and these are heavily\nintensified in order to cajole our brains into thinking that we can\nactually improve ourselves somehow by creating lofty goals to which\nwe can aspire and hopefully make something better either inside or\noutside of us. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Huh??<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You know, New Year’s Resolutions. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes, have some.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
OK, I will. Here are some of the\nrevulsions I may or may not be interested in spraying on my Jinkle\nToast during the coming year. I must warn the reader in advance: \nsome of these New Year’s Resonations may cause involuntary\nsnorking and \/ or ha ha crinkling.<\/strong><\/em>\n In other words, I hope they give you a smile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Therefore\nand with Great Fanfare, I Hereby Unnecessarily Capitalize The\nAnnouncement of My New Year’s Resuscitations For 2019: \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n R)\n I hereby promise to try to attempt to take a whack at an effort to\nstrive for an undertaking; and maybe even 7 of those. Attempts. \nTries. Maybe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 4)\n My body fat index has reached 947% !!! OH MY!!! Maybe I need to\nenjoy fewer Lard Licking Contests!! What do you mean you’re not\nsupposed to eat the bacon grease?? And… no!!! No more Olive Oil\nMilkshakes made with 100% heavy whipping cream?? Good Gravy!!! How\nwill I survive??? Oh yeah… fruits and vegetables. Oh yes, and lean\nproteins. More from plants than animals. Yes. Thank you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n G!)\n As I sit here typing, I realize that I could combine this finger\nflinging activity with something more aerobic like perhaps hang\ngliding or bungee cord plunking. I often try with little success to\nperform bungee cord concerts, but the notes all seem to come out the\nsame. Perhaps the hang gliding bungee cord concerts will give me a\nnew perspective on what it really means to be more like my favorite\nsuper hero, Eggplant Man. Um… never mind. Erase this one. \nBesides, I can’t find my flashlight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #X)\n It seems that every year, all I really want to improve is my view of\nthe TV. Please move a little more to the east while we’re\nbinge-watching Vikings or other any of those other outer space\nadventure series. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n U*)\n After much consideration, I’ve decided to finally come to terms with\nmy new illness: Serial Compulsive Recreational Insect Preparatory\nTasting (S.C.R.I.P.T.) Disorder. Yes, Preparatory Tasting… all I\nwanted to do was find out what an insect tastes like before I decide\nwhether to harvest them for our next social gathering. I’ve learned\nthe hard way that most bugs simply are not delicious, and many object\nto being tasted. For example, stinkbugs secrete a very nasty bad\nsmell ocka pitoo when being being touched by my tasting tongue. And\nbees and wasps… well, forget about it!! I’m seeking treatment; but\neach time I visit the S.C.R.I.P.T doctor I have to wait for 12\nminutes for her to stop laughing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And\nfinally…<\/p>\n\n\n\n 1!)\n My real <\/strong><\/em>New\nYear’s Revolution is always pretty much the same: try\nto do better. <\/strong><\/em>\nLord knows I still have much to learn, and I truly hope I can remain\nteachable in this fascinating journey of uncertainty we call Life. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n In\nthe meantime, I’d like to wish you all a Very Happy New Year, and may\nall your nostrils be free of obstructions; especially when you’re\nsniffing the delicious lasagna I’ll be making on New Year’s Day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Peace,\nLove, and Hugs to You All,<\/p>\n\n\n\n Kenny<\/p>\n\n\n\n