{"id":1291,"date":"2019-05-03T21:11:11","date_gmt":"2019-05-04T01:11:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kakahead.com\/?p=1291"},"modified":"2019-05-03T21:11:11","modified_gmt":"2019-05-04T01:11:11","slug":"retirement-pregnancy-9-months-to-freedom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/kakahead.com\/?p=1291","title":{"rendered":"Retirement Pregnancy – 9 Months To Freedom!!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I may have mentioned before that I have\na retirement countdown thingy that comes up on my work computer\nscreen every morning. Now I don’t want to sound excited or anything,\nbut I am Holy\nMackerel, Oh Boy Wow, Hey It’s Getting Close, COMPLETELY GEEKIFIED!!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nIn other words, I’m kinda looking forward to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nSo there I was, minding my own business, booting up my work computer\nthing, and there IT <\/strong><\/em>was, right there in front of my\nnostrils, being seen with my own eyes, that the countdown timer had\nmoved to the 9\nmonths, 29 days <\/strong><\/em> mark all by itself and now\nI thought to myself, \u201chey self, it would be funny to start greeting\npeople with a line like ‘I’m pregnant!!’ and laugh to them as they\nsquint with disbelief and unwittingly become part of a run-on\nsentence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nSo I did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nYes, I’ve been telling all my friends that I’m pregnant, and when\nthey broop and harrumph at me with gribbly smiles and wiggly eyebrows\nI of course explain that \u201cyes!! In 9 months I will be retired!! \nKinda like carrying a baby, right??\u201d And then they snicker and\ntell me they’re jealous and such. Of course, this is nothing at all\nlike carrying a baby; and God bless all the Moms out there who have\ndone that. They are amazing people… not sure I could endure such\nreproductive kaboom!! But lest I repeat myself, and I will, over and\nover again, because it’s fun, and it can also make yet another run-on\nsentence to which I can just add more words so you can get frustrated\nwith the silliness and ridiculously long length; this retirement is\ntruly making my brain muscles jump up and down like little aardvarks\non a professionally cleaned trampoline during a hail storm while\n\u201cBohemian Rhapsody\u201d is blaring on my remarkably powerful Sansui\nspeakers. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nI think…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nMy wife is getting a bit anxious… she’s expressed concern of the\n\u201chalf as much money, twice as much husband\u201d formula some friends\nof hers have mentioned. I’ve tried to reassure her that we’ll be\nOK… I guess she’s hoping I don’t cramp her style too much when I’m\nhome a lot more. We’ve talked about it of course, and I continue to\nreassure her that I’m not interested in disrupting her when she needs\nspace. We’ve talked about lots of things I’d like to get done, also,\nlike removing debris in the garage from when the \u201cclutter bomb\u201d\nexploded. The clutter bomb somehow made a huge mess of shelves, work\nbench space, and even the floor. It was interesting because although\nit sure looks like an explosion occurred; it apparently was very\ngradual and without much noise. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nLots of chores to do to tidy up around our place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nHowever, I also have some projects of my own that are secret, because\nI’m making them up right now as I write this for your smiling muscles\nto enjoy. How about a zip line from my 2nd<\/sup> floor office\nto the back of my property?? Oh, and perhaps I’ll buy a bunch of\nhelium and fill my car to make a lighter-than-air-car… a Toyota\nZepplin. Gosh yes, and not to forget the tunnel. I’ll need a tunnel\nalongside the interstate to prevent driving poopyheads from bothering\nwhen the helium runs out. Another invention I’d like to work on is a\nblowtorch toaster that makes toast in 3 milliseconds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So as you can see, my Honey Pie needn’t worry about me invading her space. I’ll be VERY busy!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe Betty Boop and her friends can help me with other inventions…<\/p>\n\n\n\n