Dear Abe and Gollie,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I would like for both of you to please remember to ask all the crayons not to scream so much while we’re eating our new favorite cereal: Kitty Kat Krunchies. Yes, I know they look just like the dry cat food that’s in our cat food bowl, but believe me, all the insects in the yard are cheering when our refrigerator tires go flat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do either of you remember when we never\nsang that \u201cHey Thanks For The Dried Compost\u201d song?? Well I know\nI sure would. In fact wood has never been more colorful when sniffed\nduring a Dried Fly Moon. All the fancy nose stockings will surely be\nreminded to cross the street quickly when the Purple Dust Mixing\nBowls come zooming past the stinkberry patch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Holy Cow!! I forgot to tell you: I’ve\nchanged my elbows into toilet paper tubes!! I’ve waited all my life\nfor my elbows to experience the same crackly shouting noise a greasy\nbuffalo makes when it’s yelling at the traffic lights. Of course,\nSir Wilbur Snackhammer of Floofington Castle will be making his\nfamous Mac and Cheese Toothpick Snacks while the rest of us sit\naround burping loudly during pet food commercials. Oh yes, these are\nthe days for celebrating!! Send around a bag of nails!! Chase a few\ntree shadows!! Jump backwards into a small pile of figs!! And don’t\nforget to recite that new Apple Smashing poem I’ve never heard\nabout!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ching!! Ching!! Ching!! goes the huge\nrock when it’s dropped on a glass of water. The noise is delicious;\nand reminds me of the time my big toe was shooting gumballs out of\neach radio muscle. Sometimes people give me strange looks when I’m\ntrying to lick my ears; but I just figure they are jealous because\nthey can’t teach their own basketballs how to speak Italian. All the\nmoss flavored candy in the world is not enough to make me want to\nyell \u201cKABOOM!!\u201d every time a freshly picked pizza cabbage comes\nrolling into the house. So please don’t try to tell ME how fast a\nbattery can roll into a ketchup scanner!! What do you think this\nis?? Anyhow??<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In closing, thank you for being who you are, and especially for not being me. As the old saying goes, \u201cIt’s always better to be you that for you to be me; and although you can count to it, eight<\/strong><\/em> is a word.\u201d Therefore, my dear young men, go softly into Dirty Sock Forest and try very hard not to wake up the moochy moochy monsters. Yes I know they are harmless; but all this shouting of \u201cMoochy moochy!!\u201d is especially delightful when I shave my new fruit basket. One time they even offered me some creamy rust powder to drink with my liquid donuts. I respectfully told them to take their wiggly eyebrows and their strange headlight sausages elsewhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Now I can’t find my pants.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Peace, Love, and Very Quiet Shouting,<\/p>\n\n\n\n Norzle P. Yendlebonk – a.k.a. \u201cThe Traveling Mustard Thief\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n