When our grandsons spent the weekend with us, I was sometimes given a suggestion regarding a topic for Happy Friday!!! So lemme think… I believe this was in March of 1897… that one year the cannibals went to the grocery store for cake or something. Anyway, after the customary cartoons before bed, my Beautiful Girlfriend asked, \u201cWhatchya gonna write about tonight?\u201d \u201cNo idea,\u201d I replied. Then Ollie piped up, \u201cHow about The Secret Habitat Of The Wumbledorg?\u201d \u201cWumbledorg??\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
OK… so this was the result.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Secret Habitat Of The Wumbledorg<\/p>\n\n\n\n
by Ken Hansen<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is not common knowledge, but as I’m sure none of you remember, there are things in this world which simply cannot be sold to potato ranchers unless it’s raining really hard and the knobs on the toaster are set to 92 just before the trees slide sideways through the grocery store while small children ask why this run-on sentence doesn’t stop; please stop now please.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thank you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Twelve of the things that\ncan’t be sold to potato ranchers are accustomed to living in electric\ncaves that zig and zag under many parts of New Jersey. In fact,\nZelda Snorklefoot called all the toads in the Brinkle District to\ninstruct them all to please quit barking at the new sand eating\napplesauce jars. When the toads received this request, all 17 of\nthem quietly marched into the electric caves to complain to Brambo,\nKing of Neeflehoppen. Of course, each toad carried his or her own\nCosmic Crayon in case there were any large paper antelopes blocking\ntheir way. It seems that these creatures do NOT like being colored\nin any way, as they prefer their natural shade of Jellyfish Purple.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
All but 29 of the toads lost their way to Brambo’s Palace. None of them had maps, and only 34 of them knew how to use GPS. That didn’t matter much anyway, because when you’re in an electric cave it’s difficult to get electronic devices to sneeze politely. No, they simply had to rely on the maps that were made in The Ancient Times by their ancestors. These maps were very valuable, because without them it was impossible to find out where the secret doors were clanging softly during all those very cronkulary exploding mustard songs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Zelda tried to warn the toads before they left on their cave marching journey. In fact, she did her best to warm them musically with a song that sounded rather familiar, especially around this time of year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
All 58 of the toads smiled a\ngribbly smile as they fondly remembered the words…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou better watch out!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Better not cry!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Better not pout!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’m tellin’ you why…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Wumbledorg is under<\/p>\n\n\n\n
the ground!!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Although most of the 82 toads had heard this sung to the tune of \u201cSanta Clause Is Coming To Town\u201d before, some of the youngsters were really greasy from playing on the sculpture of a minivan that was made almost entirely of fried chicken. So the youngsters cried and pouted on their way down inside the electric cave; not aware of the danger that could be in store for them. The other 136 toads tried to get them to \u201cSSSHHHH!!!\u201d but they were all insistent on throwing radios during the entire cave march.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After the 23rd<\/sup>\nradio was tossed, a small \u201cbinking\u201d sound could be heard. As the\ngroup approached the corner of Cavern Boulevard and Stalagmite\nStreet, the binking grew louder and louder. The closer they got, the\nlouder the binking; until they arrived at a shimmering part of the\ncave wall that didn’t look anything like the rest of the ketchup\ncastle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Vornis The FlyBiter was the\noldest toad, and therefore the most experienced in electric cave\ncrayon cribbling. Despite his best efforts to keep the location a\nsecret, he was horribly aware that young Skeebles was going to put\nhis hand near the shimmering wall. Vornis shouted, \u201cDON’T!! \nYOU’LL WAKE UP THE WUMBLEDORG!!\u201d \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n Too late, unfortunately. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n Suddenly the shimmering wall\nbegan to open as if someone was operating a floppy curtain while\ntrying to ride a bicycle into an oatmeal box. As the wall opened,\nthe binking sound got much louder, and now it was accompanied by\nflashing lights and streams of gold and silver confetti. All 251\ntoads stood motionless and wide-eyed as a strange creature with\nlarge, furry eyebrows and red pajamas with white polka dots came out\ndancing. \u201cOh great,\u201d snorted Vornis. \u201cYou woke up the\nWumbledorg. Now we’re in trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Wumbledorg wasted no time. He smirked a smiggly smirk, and started chanting As Seen On TV commercials. \u201cThe fantastic Salad Exploder cannot be found in stores!! Order today for only $19.99 plus shipping and handling!! If you order RIGHT NOW, you can get 2 Salad Exploders for the price of one!! Order today!!\u201d All 379 toads were enchanted at first, but after the 45th<\/sup> commercial, they all replied in unison, \u201cThanks, but no thanks.\u201d They marched away from the Wumbledorg with their heads held high, and doing so prevented them from seeing the Magic Manhole they all fell into. It was OK though… each of the 759 toads could be heard shrieking with glee as they slid into the Magic Manhole, which of course was lined with insect flavored gummy bears.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The moral of this story, of course, is: never wiggle the shimmering wall or the Wumbledorg will try to sell you things you never knew you needed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The End.<\/p>\n\n\n\n OK here’s something weirdly ha ha. Bad Lip Reading makes me laugh until I fall on the zucchini. Suggestion: turn on the closed captions ( CC ) while watching this video. Prepare to be tightly wrinkled. <\/p>\n\n\n\n