Dear Oscillators,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Even though our faces may or may not have ever have Facetimed, please be aware that I miss all of you terribly (even those of you I\u2019ve never met) and have begun to wash my face with strawberry jelly just before smelling the driveway juices as they run down the sides of the Very Important Egg Warmers (VIEWs), If you don’t believe me, well, I guess I can only remind you of the time you never fell down from that gigantic pile of roasted pickle tires!! Right??? Yes!! And of course there was also never the time when you each tried to swallow my radio controlled sandwich bags!! Oh, and of course there was the incident when large whale pebbles never filled your sneakers while you weren’t hiding in the ocean during that one time that never happened!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Of Course!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now I’m afraid I need to call the LAWYERS!! Yes!! You see, I woke up the other day (or was it night??) to discover sawdust flying from the rafters in my attic. When I went to investigate, I noticed that the landscape business next door had chopped away the side of my house to make a storage area for their weed whackers and assorted metal cylinders. I asked my cat what the HECK happened, and she just looked at the ground and meowed about something that sounded like, \u201cUm\u2026 they needed the room or something.\u201d So I told her we needed to call the LAWYERS. Yes. Just before that I was riding around the hills in some sort of crazy tube thing. It was fun but I really had no control over where I was going so that was a bit weird.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then I woke up FOR REAL, and remembered that I had pizza with ham, salami, pepperoni, sausage, and golf balls (OK, maybe no golf balls) for dinner that night; and eating that much processed meat often gives me very strange dreams. This is a true thing you see. And the dream seemed pretty real too. No foolin’. I call dreams like that \u201cfree movies.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Speaking of movies, have you seen that\none movie where those people were doing things in a place? And they\ntalked to each other and also wore interesting costumes? Sometimes\nthey were running around yelling, and other times they were very\nquiet except for the burping. I think the name of the movie was…\num… OK I don’t remember. Perhaps you know it. Was that one cool\nor what?? I’m gonna make me a movie some day. I believe it will be\n\u201cMighty Mouse Meets Godzilla.\u201d Rather than fighting, they become\nfriends and team up to educate squid and also give teenage dung\nbeetles the ability to find really good poop. A movie like that will\nlikely become a franchise. I’ll be RICH I tell you!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or maybe I’ll just be Me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My dear friends, or friends of friends, whoever you are, I really must inform you that when I write a letter like this, it comes from inside my socks which should really have been put in the laundry many days ago. Nobody likes bad odor in the foot area; and I am really tired of my cat crinkling her eyes and calling me \u201cMr. Stinky Toes.\u201d Tomorrow I’m going to try to recycle some old milk that is starting to smell badly. I believe if I put it in the washing machine with Mr. Monkey’s Milk Mender Solution it will make a really big mess and my cat will promptly send me to the garage with a bag of old staple guns.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Alright then. I must away to the Interwebs to find for you a cartoon that is both nutritious and easily melted into a pleasant but invisible fire extinguisher. Peace and Love to You All and may your nostrils never be filled with TV antennas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Indescribably yours,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me, The Person Guy<\/p>\n\n\n\n