For many weekends, I\u2019ve been blessed with the presence of our grandsons; and as was often customary, they got to choose the \u201cHappy Friday!!!\u201d topic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
One special night, during an elegant dinner of frozen pizza (DiGiorno’s, of course) I posed the question, \u201cWhat should I write about tonight?\u201d Responses were pretty much instantaneous. \u201cFribble knockers from Neptune and their odyssey to France!\u201d Ollie declared. Then Gabe chimed in with, \u201cRandom fruit!!\u201d After Ollie whispered something into Gabe’s ear, Gabe exclaimed, \u201cand wild businessmen!!\u201d Pretty sure my face looked a bit puzzled as I acknowledged both with, \u201cOK…\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So here goes…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Random Fruit, Wild Businessmen, Fribble Knockers, And Their Odyssey To France<\/p>\n\n\n\n
by Ken Hansen (I think)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the before times, businessmen ran wild in the jungles of Yooglania. They led a rather ordinary life, bonking out messages between 9 AM and 5 PM on hollow logs with their ceremonial message bonkers. Since there were no electronic communications in those days, all business had to be conducted either by long distance bonking or cave to cave visiting. In those days, there were known to be two types of businessmen: Tame Ones and Wild Ones. The Tame Ones were kind of boring really. They just walked around trying to sell stone tools and animal skins to people who already had all that stuff. They didn’t make much money but they were OK with just lying around and eating ants and beetles. It’s possible they watched a little too much TV, because they really loved to watch reruns of The Flintsones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Wild Ones were much more fun to watch. They would send out the message bonkings, then run to the nearest cave with a big bag of stuff to sell. When the homeowner would come to the opening of the cave, the Wild Ones would just start saying really weird things like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHey!! Your toes are dirty!! Wouldn’t you like to buy a banana??\u201d Or…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh No!! That spider doesn’t know its name!! I bet you need to purchase some cherries!!\u201d And…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHoly Moly!! My cat can yodel!! Wanna by some grapes??\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
These strange offerings of random fruit would often get the cave owner so confused, they would buy mangoes and kiwi fruits… just because!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ancient Yooglania was a small part of what is now called France. In those days, both The Tame Ones and The Wild Ones would have a business convention every year. This took place in a town they called \u201cCool Tower River Town;\u201d which has since been renamed Paris. It was a rather unusual event, because The Wild Ones would have random fruit tossing parties while The Tame Ones just sat around and watched The Flintstones on TV.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
During the year that Bliffy the Great T. Rex was in town, everything was very festive until something very unexpected happened. The sky became dark (because the sun went down), and out of the night sky came strange yellow orbs with really fancy flashing lights. As they drew near, it was obvious to everyone that these were some sort of space ships; so when one landed in the middle of Cool Tower River Town people gasped in fear and hid in the bushes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As the door of the big yellow orb opened, a stairway was lowered to the ground. The businessmen could see the form of a strange being walking down the stairway. As its feet touched the earth, the being was surrounded with a foggy green haze that spread over the land and smelled like burnt pancakes. Very soon after the green haze floated away, the being spoke:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHello People Of What Will Soon Be France! Please excuse the green haze, I farted!!\u201d The businessmen giggled and covered their mouths to hide the laughter. \u201cWe are Fribble Knockers from the planet Neptune. We have come in search of Fribbles so we may knock on them. Please direct us to your nearest Fribble Forest!!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Tame Ones were scared out of their minds, so they just pretended not to be afraid. They sat motionless in front of their TVs while yet another Flintstones rerun was on their screens. The Wild Ones looked at the Neptunian Fribble Knocker and then huddled to discuss how to respond. Then Chorp stepped away from the group and up to the Fribble Knocker. He seemed to know exactly<\/strong><\/em> what to say:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHey!! Your green fart fumes have really annoyed the T. Rex!! Wanna buy some apricots?? We have no idea what Fribbles are!! Wouldn’t you love to purchase some lingonberries?? Maybe you should try your luck on Mars… they might have some Fribbles you can knock. Here, try a free sample of grapefruit!! You’ll really need to buy some pineapples!!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Fribble Knocker looked rather confused. Not only was it annoyed that there were no Fribbles, but it was entirely confused at all these random fruit sales ideas. \u201cNo thank you, I guess we’ll be going. Please have a nice… um… whatever it is you’re having.\u201d And with that, the Fribble Knocker got back into the yellow orb. It soon made what sounded like a thunderous sneeze, and with a great \u201cAH-CHOO!!\u201d it launched back into the sky and flew out of sight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And that, my friends, is why you should never eat salami and pudding at the same time during a snow storm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The End<\/p>\n\n\n\n (I think…)<\/p>\n\n\n\n