{"id":2536,"date":"2023-12-15T22:47:45","date_gmt":"2023-12-16T03:47:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kakahead.com\/?p=2536"},"modified":"2023-12-15T22:47:45","modified_gmt":"2023-12-16T03:47:45","slug":"important-gift-ideas-my-holiday-requirements-for-2023","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/kakahead.com\/?p=2536","title":{"rendered":"Important Gift Ideas: My Holiday Requirements for 2023"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

The holidays will soon be upon us, and this year has much in common with previous years, materially speaking. I told my Beautiful Girlfriend yesterday, \u201cI have absolutely zero Christmas Spirit.\u201d That\u2019s not because I\u2019m competing with the Grinch. Rather, I get a bit somber about all the money spent on gifts each year. I\u2019ve been asked what I\u2019d like Santa to bring me and I keep coming up dry. I really don\u2019t need<\/strong><\/em> ANYTHING<\/strong><\/u><\/em>. I believe we are very fortunate; and there\u2019s really not a darn thing I want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, if any of you have read my silly blog for more than a year (you poor soul!!), you’ll know that every year about this time I send a list of what I require to receive as gifts to make my holidays complete. And hey, the more I think about it, the more I realize that I need to be a bit more assertive about all this Christmas present business. \u201cThat\u2019s right,\u201d I says to myself. I says, \u201cYeah\u2026 I deserve<\/strong><\/u><\/em> to get lots of cool stuff from Santa!! I mean, hey, isn\u2019t THAT<\/strong><\/em> what Christmas is all about??\u201d I says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No of course not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But just in case, at this time I\u2019d like to force each living soul to read my list of demands for gifts. That\u2019s right, I want youse to buy me lots of cool stuff for Christmas and I\u2019m not taking \u201cNO\u201d for an answer. Actually, I’m not even taking anything <\/strong><\/em>for an answer. Just please take careful notes regarding the following list. Seriously. I mean, hey, I don\u2019t normally ask much of my friends, or anyone else who might be unfortunate enough to stumble upon this silly blog posting. OK\u2026 disregard the note taking. PRINT THIS LIST<\/strong><\/em> and waste lots of paper and ink in the name of environmental sarcasm! That oughta show those darned trees and ink chemicals who\u2019s boss!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

OK, enough with the foot dragging; on with the list. These are very specific requests, so please keep in mind that if I receive the incorrect presents, I shall retaliate by daily forcing my cats to watch 61\/2 hours of the weather radar channel on our TV (as you can see, my greed is not a force to be underestimated).<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Alright, now that I have your attention, what\u2019s next? Oh yes, the list. And please, have mercy on my cats: when you\u2019re out there shopping for me, remember: you must <\/strong><\/u><\/em>NOT vary one iota from this list!!<\/strong><\/u><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

1) First edition, autographed copy of \u201cMy Gravy Stained Tricycle\u201d by Jennifer \u201cWarren\u201d Chrysanthemum. (I\u2019ve been searching for this biographical tome for at least 17 weeks.)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

2w) 25 kilograms of industrial quality pizza crusts imported from Moose Mountain, Saskatchewan. (They make the very best, please\u2026 no substitutes.)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

P9) A lifetime supply of red blood cells. What? We make those ourselves?? Oh, fine!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Zot) 14 rhinestone-studded Tupperware sandwich containers. One simply must not<\/strong> ignore fashion during picnics, am I right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

L9G) Genuine plastic containers of cricket milk, preferably the 17 ounce size or larger. (I\u2019m told the chore of milking crickets requires a very small stool and bucket.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2.K) I could really use some help removing all the broken concrete from the west side of my vegetable garden. I planted it there years ago and I believe it made babies. Please come after dark and bring your own digging tools and floodlights. No need to knock on the door to announce your arrival\u2026 and please don\u2019t even think<\/strong><\/em> about asking to use the bathroom after getting your shoes all dirty. Just get those stinkin\u2019 things out of there so I can plant more veggies. OK??<\/p>\n\n\n\n

B#%) It\u2019s really getting to be high time youse guys brought me some more of those chocolate covered pine cones!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

@1L) You know those candies we used to get all those years ago with the hard, sugary stuff outside and a gooey, jelly like substance inside? Well those things are weird and a little bit nasty in my professional opinion. However, they are fun to lick awhile just before you drop them into someone else’s stocking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

0QY!) Three mating pairs of vinegarroons. I intend to cross breed them with vinegarettes as a method of providing self replenishing salad dressing to my cats while they\u2019re watching the weather radar channel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1n8) Please pass the Altoids. Have you seen my watch? I sure hope there\u2019s enough windshield washer fluid in my car\u2019s washer tank thingy. Hey\u2026 is NCIS on tonight?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And finally,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

X27) One winning Power Ball Lottery Ticket. Just one. A winning one. Thank you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Very well then. I know there\u2019s not much time\u2026 Christmas is coming closer every day. Please just get with the program and take care of all my wants awreddy. OK?? OK!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But seriously folks, please remember to do your best to help those less fortunate than we are. Spread love and be kind to everyone you meet… even the grumpy ones; because as a dear friend of mine used to say, \u201cPeople who are the least lovable are the ones who need loving the most.\u201d And maybe if we all work, pray, and vote for peace, magical things just might happen in our world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Speaking of magical things: perhaps you’ve seen this before, but it’s one of our favorite Christmas cartoons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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