Dear Friends,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hopefully all of you had a very nice Thanksgiving. According to the TV commercials, we are well into the Holiday Season. Anyway, as I hope you truly know, I love all of you very much and hope you have a very Happy Merry and a most Joyful Wonderful. My sincere hope is that all of you are blessed each and every day of your living lives, and that you are as happy and healthy as possible. If you have trouble believing that I feel this way about each and every one of you, I\u2019ll be compelled to call my Cousin Rocco (yes, I really do<\/strong><\/em> have a Cousin Rocco who hails from Brooklyn).<\/p>\n\n\n\n Please don\u2019t make me go there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Those of you who know me well are aware that I\u2019m not exactly Mr. Material Wealth Guy. I am a product of the 60\u2019s, and am perfectly happy growing vegetables organically and letting what\u2019s left of my hair grow just as long as I can. I do try to express gratitude to Those God People, but sometimes my wants exceed my knees.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The upcoming Holidays, after all, are a time of giving. Therefore, I would like all of you to remember to buy me the things I will list here; and if you don\u2019t mind, just consider them demands<\/strong><\/em> and get with the program already because there are only a couple of weeks left to shop and HOLY COW I\u2019m way behind with my own shopping but I already scored some cool stuff for my family so I think I\u2019m gonna be OK but just in case I\u2019ll probably hit some stores at the last minute because I truly intend to quit procrastinating either tomorrow or the next day; but until that time I\u2019ll just marvel at this run-on sentence since this is probably one of the first one I\u2019ve ever written that didn\u2019t have at least one comma or semi-colon oh wait there are four commas and two semi-colons but really I have to wonder why anyone would want a semi-colon anyway as it seems it would be very bad for your digestive system because a full colon likely could be much better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n OK.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Without any further ado, here is my list of required gifts you must<\/strong><\/em> get for me this year. Simply work together and coordinate between youse to satisfy my need for the following mandatory items:<\/p>\n\n\n\n A) 12 sets of matching pretzels (none of my current sets match).<\/p>\n\n\n\n 12) The 10th<\/sup> edition, signed copy of \u201cDon\u2019t Sniff The Railroad Tracks,\u201d by Wilbur \u201cFlathead\u201d Grumpington.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 6r) A dark yellow pair of flannel boxer shorts with both USB and HDMI ports.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 5) One or two jumbo 14.7 oz. boxes of Kelloggg\u2019s Plastic Pops Dental Floss Cereal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n y9q) Why is the coffee pot so stinky?? OH FOO!! I LEFT IT ON WHEN IT WAS EMPTY AGAIN!!! Oh wait\u2026 that\u2019s not supposed to be on the list\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n M) A Blu-Ray copy of that famous 1922 holiday classic, \u201cBilly\u2019s New Nostrils.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Pox) Next time you go to the store, would you please pick me up some more kitty litter? Oh, and we\u2019re almost out of toilet paper. Probably could use some raisins for tomorrow night\u2019s gravy also. What? No, I don\u2019t have any money!! Sheesh, I thought you had some! Oh nevermind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 1W) I\u2019ve always wanted <\/strong><\/em>a radio controlled tape dispenser!! Better get 3… I’ll use them often.<\/p>\n\n\n\n P3G) One time I was dreaming, right? And there was this bowl of blue shiny stuff that smelled just like licorice. People would step in and it would make them speak strange languages. Please buy me one of those.<\/p>\n\n\n\n X5) I\u2019m pretty sure my robotic ear itcher needs a new crambosis membrane\u2026 nudge-nudge, wink-wink\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Finally, I\u2019ll be needing larger amounts of cash than last year. I\u2019ll accept gold bullion or even platinum ingots if absolutely necessary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you can\u2019t come through with any of the aforementioned items, please be aware that my kale and potatoes are sleeping soundly in the garden under a nice blanket of leaves topped with snow. Come by some time and we can dig up some tubers and leaves; and we’ll make some snake eye soup and gorge ourselves on tree bark.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In the meantime, please have a blessed day, every day. Peace and love to you all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Yours with much flaming dandruff,<\/p>\n\n\n\n Broink Zubblepuff<\/p>\n\n\n\n a.k.a. Ronky \u201cThe Belch\u201d Burpenwiggles<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here’s a novel old gem… watch for appearances by Laurel and Hardy, The Marx Brothers, and the Three Stooges!! Animated, of course…<\/p>\n\n\n\n