Dear Friends,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I know you may have become weary of seeing my face so I’m not going to change it at all for you. No, instead I’m moving to Zootflaven and I will change my name to Bremply Doatlekonk. Ha ha on youse kids, so there!! On the Bookface I announced that I was going to change my name to Milksnort Fogwaffle, but that was at least two hours ago, so of course it’s ancient history.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you’ve never been to Zootflaven, don’t come crying to me.<\/strong><\/em> I never told you to come along during my last vacation there; because I didn’t want to share any of those tasty poshtangles or the delightfully disgusting hock-pitooey drinks. Sure, I’ve made both of those at home but the mess incurred during preparation is genuinely disguised as a small rodent burping through a keyhole.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Is this the part where we all sing the \u201cCuckoo Cranberry\u201d song? Well try to keep up, but I will give you the words…<\/p>\n\n\n\n Cuckoo Cranberry, lying in the street.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Please don’t expect it to taste like meat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Its face was squished by that big fat bus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And nobody yelled or tried to warn us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Oh Cuckoo Cranberry, where did you go?<\/p>\n\n\n\n If he hollers let him go, eeny meeny miny moe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This of course is sung to the tune of \u201cCuckoo Cranberry Ate A Whistle.\u201d Please do not<\/strong><\/em> confuse this with the award winning song, \u201cCuckoo Clock Rock.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Did you know that crayons were invented?? Those things are all over the place!!<\/strong><\/em> I’ve even seen them in restaurants, but not for eating. What I mean is, I don’t eat the crayons anymore, nor to I try to use them for eating anything. I have been scolded and told that this is bad manners. However, I do have fond memories of peeling them and \u201caccidentally\u201d dropping them into the radiators at Sunday school. They become very colorfully liquified… eventually. As an added bonus, they give a pleasant colored melted wax scent to the atmosphere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Perhaps, just perhaps, I should not have put those two bottles of cough syrup on my cereal this morning. My cats gave me funny looks when I took all the pictures to post on InstaBook. Whoa… maybe I should have dumped the contents of those two bottles into the bowl of cereal!! Cool idea… probably would have been more photogenic than just the unopened bottles. All those Loopy Frootles floating in purple syrup… maybe place it on a turntable and take a 12 minute video.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Farm out, man!! Right arm!! Solid state!! Groovy gravy!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n OK… now you know my intentions for the next several solstice arrivals. If you’d like to come visit me in Zateflooven; please visit your ambidextrous orthodontist for a seldom opinion. Just walk up to the reception area and ask for me by my new name, Broatly Konkledemp. I will be the one erupting in boisterous laughter as I make all the pens and pads of paper appear to float in the air; for you see by then I will have learned to make myself invisible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In the meantime, please remember what Hyram C. Gilmore has said for years:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt’s better to be you than for you to be me, and although you can count to it, eight<\/strong><\/em> is a word.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Insincerely yours,<\/p>\n\n\n\n Krempledoat Bonkely<\/p>\n\n\n\n “And now,” as Mr. Cleese would have said, “for something completely different.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n