Dear Lamp Cracklers,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Please understand that the term \u201cLamp Cracklers\u201d is not meant to demean you in any way. No, no, that is not what responsible friendly greetings are all about. As you may have observed in the above salutation, I preceded \u201cLamp Cracklers\u201d with \u201cDear,\u201d which of course indicates my infection toward all who read this unscientifically formulated group of sentences; which could, I suppose, be considered an essay or perhaps just a mere document, but if any of you realize that the previous glob of text is simply appearing on your screen as a vehicle for the insertion of a run-on sentence, it\u2019s probably true; but then if you are foolish enough to read it out loud I certainly hope to HECK<\/strong> you took a moment to breathe, and if you haven\u2019t HOLY MOLY<\/em><\/strong> breathe NOW<\/strong> for goodness sake!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Thank you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You see my friends, I am not trying to shame anyone; regardless of their propensity toward (or lack thereof) Lamp Crackling. But because almost everything in the news has been giving me Intestinal Volcano, I surmised that perhaps a completely nonsensical \u201cHappy Friday!!!\u201d might be therapeutic\u2026 at least for me. As it was during childhood, so it is for me now: nonsense can help me laugh during difficult times. After all, I\u2019m simply a child in old man\u2019s clothing; and an occasional silly rant helps me to embrace the age old proverbs for emotional well being: <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDon\u2019t sweat the petty things, and don\u2019t pet the sweaty things.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n And: <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAs the frogs say, \u2018Time\u2019s fun when you\u2019re having flies.\u2019 \u201c<\/p>\n\n\n\n And of course:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou can pick radishes before they are ripe and they will still be red.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n In spite of all this (and in spit of everything else), it has been brought to my attention that none of you are sleeping in the snowbanks efficiently. \u00a0Perhaps you are unaware of the unhealthful benefits of Snowplow Surprise that can only be realized when the road commission truck buries your sleeping bag in freshly fallen slush! \u00a0Believe you me, there is absolutely nothing that compares to a soggy awakening of such magnetism! \u00a0I mean, there you are, soundly snoring loudly during your recurring \u201cOh no, I ate three ounces of crunch bugs again\u201d dream, when the snowplow whizzles past Uncle Fossilhead\u2019s mailbox (where you\u2019ve been sleeping since October), when you hear that ear-pickling scraping sound and then \u201cBLAPP!!\u201d<\/strong> your snowbank slumbering spot is poofled with road mush and ice cribblings. \u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n NOW<\/em><\/strong> will you remember to wear rain gear over your parka??? \u00a0I guess time will tell!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n In closing, my Dear Cramp Lacklers, next time the snowplow forgets to clean your sock drawer, please, PLEASE<\/em><\/strong> yodel more loudly to prevent any gradual injuries that may be caused by tasting all those crunch bugs in three part harmony.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sincerely Yours and \/ or Someone Else\u2019s,<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nerg Sneffmonken<\/p>\n\n\n\n a.k.a. \u201cRuns With Wooden Spoons\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n