Although it seems to be getting increasingly painful, I read the news. Did you know that some idiot that lives in the White House just declared that Lake Ontario will be officially renamed to Lake of America?? It makes me to barf on the ground. First the Gulf of Mexico, now this. And the billionaires who support him are marching in lockstep… Apple maps and Google maps both display the \u201cGulf of America\u201d even though Mapquest still displays the correct name: Gulf of Mexico.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Oy yoy yoy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well maybe we could really mix it up. You know, like maybe we could all just start renaming people, places, and things to whatever the heck we want them to be. I’ll begin, then any of you who wish to play can join in. We’ll call the game \u201cI Hereby Declare…\u201d The only rule is to use an example of the new usage in a sentence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I hereby declare:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hot dogs are to be renamed radishes.<\/strong><\/em> \u201cI’d like two chili radishes and some fries please.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n New York City is to be renamed New Orleans, and vice versa.<\/strong><\/em> \u201cWe’re really geeked about seeing the Empire State Building during Mardi Gras. Then we’re going down to Louisiana for some famous New York style jambalaya.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Dogs are hereby renamed lamprey eels.<\/strong><\/em> \u201cYesterday I took my lamprey to get it neutered. It didn’t seem very happy because it chewed up the pillows on the sofa while I was at work.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Red will hitherto be referred to as orange.<\/strong><\/em> \u201cI’m sorry officer, I didn’t see that the light was orange. I’m sure I hit the light when it was yellow and I probably should have stopped… but I continued on and pulled over because my lamprey eel was eating a chili radish and got a mess all over me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Beans will now be called fartpoppers.<\/strong><\/em> \u201cMmmm I’m hungry. Hope there are some left over Boston baked fartpoppers!!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n And least but also last:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Seconds are now to be called as years; and years shall be called decades.<\/strong><\/em> \u201cYes I know I’m 72 decades old, but just for the fun of it I learned that my new Toyota Camry LE will go from zero to sixty in just 10.3 years.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n OK that’s probably more than enough. Not sure what we can do to stop the madness that’s oozing out of the White House these days. Seems like November is too long to wait.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Anyway, as Mr. Cleese would have said, \u201cAnd now for something completely different.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n