Hello Snaybles and Bugtoss Muffins!!<\/p>\n
Did you ever survive a day when the internet was broken?!?!? Oh My God!! How can this happen to gentle people like us?? I think there were corgle farbs stuck in the bizzmahooken… after I used 12 toads to reset the ply chowder, NetFlax and TooYube were chibbling along as if nobody ate used food in several decades.<\/p>\n
Norgleson Anglefoot told me once that if you throw ethernet cables at a dead possum, not only will the road still stink but the flies will try to invent a new and exciting music streaming service that will prevent even the happiest Carrot Cakes from inducing Elementary Energized Electrolux Egg Flingers to use their newly formed Zinc Toasters for indivisible porpoises; not to mention that one time when all the zucchini fell off the roof (again) and the cat narrowly escaped with his brand new derby hat he never wears to concerts anymore.<\/p>\n
I told you not to mention that!!<\/p>\n
So this has been the distorted constipation at our house lately. Yes, that’s right friends, Das Internet War Kaputt. For those of you who don’t speak Clambolian, that means: \u201cJingle Fries!! The Internet Don’t Working!! We Must Use Very Badly The Grammar And Also Capitalize Unnecessarily To Illustrate Our Frustration With This Intolerable Ant Pile Of Dust Mites Who Don’t Even Know I’m Writing About Them And They Probably Don’t Even Care That I Make REALLY Silly Run-On Sentences Because Dust Mites Are So Doggoned Tiny That Even Though I’ve Never Seen One, I’m Probably Seeing Them All The Time!<\/p>\n
Or so I’m told.<\/p>\n
There are only 192 things to do with the internet goes El Barfo.\u00a0 First of all, try to Google the problem.\u00a0 Oh wait!!\u00a0 The internet is KAPUTT!!\u00a0 Fooey.\u00a0 OK try this… recable the modem booter.\u00a0 That oughta do it.\u00a0 Wait for all the grinky lights to turn bleen.\u00a0 OK when the coble madem is up and running… quick tie a string to it so it can’t run too far!!\u00a0 Then rewire the routeless booter.\u00a0 Yes!!\u00a0 OK… 1, then 2, then 7 flashing blinky lights!!\u00a0 Now paint your tires neon green and bark loudly at the trusses in your attic!!\u00a0 Are we having now the interwebs??\u00a0 I DON’T KNOW!!\u00a0 THERE ARE OVER 100 MORE IDEAS TO TRY!!.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Call customer service??\u00a0 What the…<\/p>\n
OK. So the moral of the story, of course, is multiple in nature. In other words, there are multiple morals to this story; which will result in Moral Multiplicity and also very possibly, Repetitious Repeating Of The Fact That There Is More Than One Moral Of The Story, Which Again Is Celebrated With Totally Unnecessary Capitalization.<\/p>\n
OK. Here are the Multiple Morals:<\/p>\n
A – You can lead a possum to the middle of the road, but it may steal your network cables.<\/p>\n
12 \u2013 I absolutely refuse to tolerate Dust Mite Ant Piles.<\/p>\n
Blue \u2013 Jingle Fries will be served cold during Unnecessarily Capitalized Thunderstorms; and of course<\/p>\n
@! – You can type nonsense when you don’t know what else to write, and if it makes you laugh while you write it, maybe someone else will laugh also.<\/p>\n
The End<\/p>\n
\u201cBark, bark!\u201d said the tree while his dog was sniffing his neighborfeet. Ha ha, it was not the end!\u00a0 But it is now.<\/p>\n
I hope.<\/p>\n
“And now,” as Mr. Cleese used to say, “for something completely different.”<\/p>\n