Note: This notice has been circulated to everyone who has pockets, pocket books, mailboxes, or ice in their driveway. Please read carefully and follow the instructions.
My Fellow Associates,
In these uncertain economic times we must strive to defeat the competition both before and after they are finished watching their favorite movies and / or cooking programs. Therefore, it is with great implosion that I urge all of you to apply an exorbitant amount of effort toward our long discontinued standard of excellence.
In striving toward the spirit of this year’s successful yet spiritually degrading development plan, we are rolling out what we believe is an innovative approach to corporate indecency with our new motto: Strength Through Costly Mistakes, or STCM.
To facilitate Phase 1 of this plan, Zelden Bilgehammer of Quality Infusions, Inc. will be arriving soon to inspect the cambernackles. Please ensure that all edible click wrapper standards are well concealed and thoroughly hyphenated before Zelden’s infestation.
During this exercise, please note that cambernackles will heretofore be inspected on the 3rd Tuesday of each week, twice monthly, with liberty and justice for all. This information may be shared freely with any and all individuals whose names rhyme with “lumberjack,” as they would appear when divided by the pertinent day of the month.
For example: on the 1st Tuesday of 2019, the week begins with the letter R. It follows then, that you may share this with people like:
And of course Roopy Wofflenick.
Note that the inverse modification standard never applies. None of these stick flingers are employed at this time, so sharing the inflammation can only enhance our deprivation protocol.
If you have any questions regarding this modulation, please insert two nickles and eleven dimes. After all, your toaster is probably orange with chrome crumb fenders.
Thank you in advance for your cooperation in this urgent flea popping contest.
Chief Inspection Officer
Feline Antler Fabrication Dept.
“If you want something done, don’t remove the cat’s antlers.” – Milton Wildpockets
On the other hand, we could just make with the jumpin’ jive and swing it!!