Greetings, Fellow Snack Handlers!!

Here’s wishing you the Happiest Merry of all Years, with dotted Ts and crossed eyes following all of your newly configured radial sandwich flavors. It is very and ultra important that we greet this new year with pledges of doing remarkable things. As you may already know, pledges are words that express an intent to do something. Politicians know the value of a pledge. They use them to get elected and, once in office, they do what they bloody well want. But when you come right down to it, when people make promises about this or that at the beginning of a brand new year, they have a lot in common with politicians. Many people make pledges, but how many fulfill them?? This I am unable to know.

On the other hand, you have Lemon Pledge furniture polish. This would be especially true if you just got done polishing your tomatoes with that large electric dust mop over there.

2015 was an interesting year… but some things just never seem to change. For example:

1) The rich get richer, the poor become more numerous, and the working class gets to pay for all of it; and

29) War is still not the answer, even though all too many people cling to the notion that it can be “morally justified.” I know, I know… “there’s so much evil in the world;” and “we have the right to defend ourselves…” Yada yada yada. My professional opinion: The use of weapons produces a very immediate (albeit tragic) result. However, there will NEVER be lasting peace until we are all ready to treat each other with respect; communicate; and persistently work together to address the roots of the issues.

Oh but hey, that stuff takes way too long. Let’s just go bomb somebody.

Oy yoy yoy.

I confess, I’m an old hippie. I love the line from that old Ten Years After song that says “Tax the rich, feed the poor, till there are no rich no more…” We seem too have too few people with too much money working to control many MANY people with not so much money.

Gack, ptoo!!

Such ickyness just gives me the warm fuzzy noodle constipation that every Mom loves. But I know that it’s always easier to find fault with others than to look inward, so I thought I’d better lay out a plan for my own self improvement. Therefore, I beg of each of you to elect me as your next Filibuster Yakkity Yak Doo Dah Day for 2016. My plan for self bereavement lies below.

Please be not aware that I have regurgitated the following Noo Yeer’s Revolutions:

1) To remind myself that I need to remember those things which I can’t seem to recall.

What was that again?  What was I thinking about…??

R) To lose weight, gain it back, lose it again, and lose some more until my nostrils can be used for sidewalk painting without fear of changing lanes abruptly.

Please pass the pepperoni flakes and the coagulated skim milk.

24) To change lanes abruptly so all weight loss can be vehemently avoided.

Watch out for that tree!! It has a scale near it!!

++) To boldly go where no earthworm has ever dined before.

Ummm… you gonna eat that compost??

3X) To be nice to all people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Excuse me sire, your toupee is on fire. May I stomp it out for you? Oh, you’re still wearing it…

T5) To dress in all recyclable clothing, in order to lighten the load on my laundry licking machine.

I especially favor the milk jug socks and the recycled string bikini underwear.

Z44) To unite all small countries in a global effort to stop Homer Simpson from eating my cake.

Alright boys, this is it… you clunk him on the cake eater and I’ll spray him with a completely different shade of yellow.

and finally:

9) To sing loudly about how wonderful it is to be alive, ever reminding myself that work is a joy and that complaining is tantamount to feeding dogfood to caterpillars. In other words, no matter how badly I think I have it, I am really a wealthy person. I have received many gifts from the Creator. As Alistair Sim said in my favorite Christmas movie (Scrooge) “I don’t deserve to be so happy, but I can’t help it.”

I suspect that if you are reading this, you are wealthy also. You don’t think so?? OK smartypants, lemme ask you these: Do you have a car? Do you have enough to eat? Do any of your clothes fit nicely? Do you have friends? A warm, safe place to sleep?

If you said “yes” to any of these, you are wealthy. OK??

So I hereby beseech all of you to have a most Wonderful New Year while singing great songs of coagulation. Love your brethren and your cistern. Love your father, your mother, and your Mother (Earth). Share what you can with those less fortunate than you are.

Oh!! And please vote!! Not just for people running for public office. No my friends, please remember to vote with your money. Every dollar we spend helps to determine the type of world we want to enjoy. Buy as much local produce as you can. Support your local businesses. Stuff like that there.

And please, be kind to yourself and other living things.

Peace, Love, and More Peace,

Kenny

This week’s video has nothing to do with New Years Revolutions but I found it rather amusing; so there.

This week’s Happy Friday!!! comes with very warm wishes for all of you out there in interwebs land. I sincerely hope you all had as blessed and joyful Christmas as we did. One of our favorite smiley moments came when we learned that my wife, our son, and I all bought each other the same CD for Christmas. It actually worked out, because our daughter got one, we got one, and our son got one.

Christmas always makes my head spin with memories… mostly good. There are a few recollections of Christmases Past that could be better left forgotten I suppose; both from childhood and adulthood. However, although such unpleasantries float through my thoughts from time to time, their importance is greatly diminished by what life brings to us these days.

Life is very good. As far as money goes, we are not rich; but we are wealthy in many ways.

Materially, I want for nothing. We exchange gifts of course, but in my case, socks and blue jeans are much more awesome than the latest gadget. I am very grateful to Santa for everything we’ve received, but the most important gift anyone could have is the love we share as a family. I would love to solve all the world’s problems and give EVERYONE what we have; but obviously that’s not possible.

With the arrival of grandchildren, our Christmas has changed over the years. Many times in the past, my Beautiful Girlfriend would insist that our kids spend the night with us Christmas Eve and enjoy what Santa brought the following morning. Of course, when our grandchildren came along our daughter and son in law wanted to start their own tradition. We very much understand the need for a family to have Christmas together; but my Beautiful Girlfriend was a bit reluctant to go along with that idea at first. However, she knew there was absolutely no argument that would hold water on that issue. Instead, they’ve blessed us with the ability to spend the night of the 23^rd at their house and wake up for a gift exchange on Christmas Eve Day.

Did I mention life is good??

So the past several Christmases have found the three of us, my Lovely Bride, our son, and me, waking up on Christmas morning together to enjoy what Santa brings. After our traditional brunch of hominy with sausage, peppers, and onions served with two eggs on top; our son went to his house to be with his kitties while we spent much of the afternoon on the phone talking to relatives. Anybody remember the telephone?? Landlines they call them now. Sheesh…

Anyway, thanks to The People Upstairs for taking care of us mortals down here. We are very grateful. And thanks to all of you who read this!! The fact that anyone reads it is a blessing to me. If someone actually enjoys what I write, I feel very blessed indeed.

Peace, Love and Joy to you all; and thank you for being my friends. And just to prove that it really is me writing this: Please remember that it’s always better to be you than for you to be me; and although you can count to it, eight is a word.

Take care my friends!! See you next year!!

Here’s an oldie but a goodie… some Red Green Christmas spirit.

High On “See”

by Ken Hansen

Holy Moly, what the HECK happened here?? I mean, there I was, minding my own business, feeling pretty young and full of energy (or something), listening to The Beatles on the radio after they landed for the first time in the US in 1964; when all of a sudden, I turned 61 and I’m still feeling pretty young but maybe not full of quite so much energy (but still lots of something); writing run-on sentences for some silly Happy Friday!!! blog thing but HOLY MOLY I got OLD somehow!!

Well OK, I’m not really old, but I am, but I’m not. Do any of you out there relate to any of this? Well if you do you may not want to admit it; because it might mean you’re getting old too!!

So here I am in my 61^st year on this lovely planet, and I’m finally able to plan ahead just a little bit. Please believe me though, that when I use the word “plan,” I use it very loosely. After all, we can try to plan things but inevitably something introduces a change. With any luck at all, the changes are not life threatening; but they can still make us veer off our original course.

I’ve learned the hard way that whenever I profess to be planning something; I need to be very aware that things just may not work out the way I want. Stuff happens, right? Anymore, when I talk to friends or other loved ones about something I’d like to do, I qualify it. For example, friends would ask me what I’m doing on a given weekend. I’d start by saying, “my grandiose plans are to spend some time in the garden.” Then of course something interferes and I don’t get to do what I want. It’s very OK though. I’ve gotten much better at accepting such things. In fact, I’ve learned to embrace one of my favorite expressions I heard several years ago: “If you wanna make God laugh, tell Him you have plans.”

Mind you, I have no idea if God is a Him, Her, or a Them (I lean more toward Them). But I’ve received some pretty amazing gifts from The Great Beyond over the years. In spite of all my attempts to destroy my life with alcohol and other dangerous drugs, I’ve survived pretty much intact. After I quit poisoning myself and got the help I needed, life became pretty darned good. I don’t take credit for that; I believe I’m being helped.

This was again pointed out to me this past week. Those People Upstairs (Them) showed me something I never expected: Plan C. You may well ask, “Plan C?? What happened to Plans A and B??” Well I’m glad you asked.

Even if you didn’t.

For a few years now, my Beautiful Girlfriend and I have been lusting for retirement. OK, maybe I’m lusting for retirement… because I’m really ready to start a new chapter in life. She on the other hand, is kinda frightened about the whole retirement thing. Anyway, the plan has been for me to retire from my job at 66. The mortgage would be paid off at age 65; and “my grandiose plan” was to continue to pretend we had a mortgage payment to build up some cash reserve before retirement.

Then some uncertainty tainted the retirement waters: an announcement was made that several jobs in our department were being outsourced early next year. Unfortunately, I was not shocked by this news… I smelled it shortly after we had a regime change. The effect on our grandiose retirement plans was a backup to Plan A needed to be considered.  Plan A, as I mentioned previously, was to retire at 66, with the mortgage being paid off at 65. So Plan B was formulated: if I lost my job we’d withdraw from my 401K and pay the mortgage off so our income requirements would be much lower. Seemed like an OK formula.

Earlier this week, though, Someone from The Committee Upstairs (Them again) told me to consider Plan C. Pay the mortgage off NOW. I was a bit surprised. I hadn’t thought of this at all. After all, it’s possible I will keep my job until retirement. But the thought of being completely debt free before retirement was exhilarating!! Of course, I also quickly realized that Plan C would only be effective if I continued to pretend I have a mortgage payment and limit our spending accordingly. This would allow me to fund Roth IRAs while building a cash reserve to allow us to stay out of debt.

When I mentioned this to my Beautiful Girlfriend, her eyes got a bit wide with disbelief. Not sure if she thought I was out of my mind or just as amazed as I was!! There was little discussion though, as we both knew this was a good way to go.

Once we decided, I was like a kid in a candy store. At work, I told any friend who would listen about Plan C and all but one was very happy for me. She probably still thinks I’m a bit nuts to rob my 401K like this, but after all, I’m older than 59 ½ so there’s no penalty, just tax. Gonna pay tax on it sooner or later anyway.

One of my more Christian friends was very excited for me, and he also was really digging on my description of what I consider a spiritual experience. He smiled broadly and said, “I think you need to call it Plan See, like S-E-E!!” I couldn’t agree more. I don’t subscribe to any religion, but I do try to see where religious people can help me through this journey we call life.

Today was the Big Day. Mortgage go bye bye. No more debt. Holy Moly. I was out in the plant at work today and when my friends asked me how I was, I told them: “I’m high on life today.” And then of course I’d say how fortunate I am to have zero debt.

I guess you could say I’m high on “SEE.”

One thing nice about being older than compost: the blessings of some awesome entertainers over the years. I mentioned I was high on life? Well I think these guys were high on life too…

You know, food can be given lots of fancy names; but if it’s not prepared correctly it can be just plain bad. Worse yet, you can get sick!! At least, that’s what seems to have happened to me and one of my nice lady work friends.

A bunch of us work folks were invited to a “Team Dinner” at a fancy restaurant this past Thursday. It was a nice opportunity to meet a couple new folks; and also play catch-up with some old friends. We started off with the normal drinks… mine was coffee but others had something a bit stronger. Then came the appetizers. Not too bad… although my friend Jeff referred to the pate as “cat food.” I tasted a smidge, I think he may have been right.

Finally of course the time arrived to order our food. All the entrees on the menu had fancy French names… things like “Beef Bourguignon,” “Steak Frites,” and “Perch Meunier.” The first was what I ordered, sounded good by the description. However, the dish that was presented to me was basically pot roast nestled on top of a small bed of egg noodles. Beef was very tender but the gravy was a bit less than wonderful, in my professional opinion. When my friend Jeff was perusing the menu, he saw the perch dish and wondered aloud, “what the heck is Perch Manure??” We all had a chuckle and moved on.

I felt full but OK after the meal. The following day (yesterday) however, I had a terrible case of intestinal volcano. Also thought maybe I was going to barf. I mentioned this to my nice lady work friend and she said, “seriously?? Wow I thought I was the only one… when I got home I had to throw up!!” I tried to tough it out all morning but ended up going home early. I could no longer bear the pain in my guts… felt like someone was dragging a length of rusty barbed wire through my innards. And of course my added happiness was that I thought if I ate just one molecule of food I’d toss my cookies.

The next 18 hours were spent in bed, and when I got up to go potty I’d hit the home remedies of Vernors ginger ale, Altoids, and ginger pieces. Also charred some toast and had that… things were slightly improved but I was in great discomfort for several more hours. Here I am writing Happy Friday!!! on a Saturday night and I’m still not 100%.

My Beautiful girlfriend was out and about when I got home… I texted her and pleaded that she bring home some Vernors during her travels. When she got home she told me there was a bug going around. But my Lovely Nurse Wife Lady told me today, “I really think you had food poisoning.”

Guess maybe I should have had the Perch Manure.

So my friends, sorry I’m late, but Happy Saturday to you all!! “And now,” as Mr. Cleese used to say, “for something completely different.”

When Prisoner was just over a year old, the neighbor announced she was getting married and was going to move. “You want this dog?” they asked. “Ummm we already have a dog,” I replied. “Well, if you don’t take him, we’re going to have to find a home for him.” Judging by their lack of interest in this poor fellow, I reckoned that his first stop on the journey to a new “home” would be the local dog pound. So we took him in.

“What should we call him??” the family asked aloud. “Prisoner! That’s what he was ya know. Now he’s free,” I said. “No… that’s no name for a dog,” said my Beautiful Girlfriend. “OK,” I countered, “
how ’bout ‘Lucky,’ ‘cuz that’s what he is don’t you think?” “No,” she said again, “we need a better name than that.” Everyone just paused for a bit. “Musky,” I said. “Musky?” asked my Lovely Bride. “Yeah, Musky da Husky,” I retorted with a smile.

It stuck.

Little did we know the challenges that awaited us with this abused child. Until we got smart about crating, he enjoyed chewing the seat belts out of our minivan. Similarly, if we left the house with Bishop and Musky inside, Musky’s separation anxiety would kick in again and he would rip down curtains and chew up things. Again with the crate… problem solved. Eventually we didn’t need the crates anymore, thank goodness.

But then there were other “fun” things, like buying the neighbors a couple doors down some steaks when Musky got off the leash and decided to kill their ducks. The second time he got into the ducks, it was around Christmas; so we bought a fancy gift basket of chocolates for their family. Those were the destructive challenges. It was also interesting to head him off at the pass when nice ladies would come to visit. This was due to his propensity toward sniffing both sides of a lady’s nether regions with a gently push of the nose into the target area. Some of my Beautiful Girlfriend’s more senior friends have commented with a chuckle, “Oh my! Haven’t been goosed like that in many years!” Eventually we got wise and would leash him when visitors came.

We also learned two important things about huskies: they are not very obedient; and they are NOT watch dogs. Bishop the Wonderdog would sound the alarm whenever he heard a door bell ring, or a slight tap a the door. Heck, he would even yell when there was a door bell ringing on TV! But the husky, ummm… no. And regarding obedience, not sure how the mushers work their teams but we often didn’t have much luck with training Musky da Husky. He did learn and understand the concept of NO!! But even that would take some doing at times.

One thing for sure though, we know he loved us. And he was gentle with the kitties, just like Bishop the Wonderdog. We often credit Bishop with teaching Musky how to be a house dog; because God knows he never listened to the likes of us.

Our vet has been so good to both of these guys over the years. Bishop left us 4 years after Musky came aboard. And yesterday, after much weeping and gnashing of teeth, we made the decision to send Musky to his Maker. Never an easy task, but at his ripe old age of 14 he was failing a little more each day. Seemed to be doing OK lately but he had vomiting and diarrhea the other day, after which he laid in bed for 2 days. We knew he would likely not get better, and other symptoms of a nearing of the end of a life well lived were evident for some time.

Our appointment with the vet was yesterday afternoon, and of course he got out of bed and was eating and drinking and sniffing about. None of that, of course, made this any easier, but we had made up our minds and had to follow through. When we got to the vet, she made the comment, “this is the end of an era.” She knows we are not looking for another dog.

God bless all of you out there who continue to take in pups who need a home. We feel we have done our share for now, and are really, REALLY ready to take a permanent vacation from dog parenting. Hopefully the People Upstairs will give us a break; but one never knows. We just pray we don’t have to do this again. As it is, we still have Never Anne, our 21 year old calico kitty. She’s not exactly the picture of health either. And then there’s Freddy the Freeloader, who we figure is about 4 or 5, so he’s just kid.

We will continue to love all the animals we have known who have crossed over to the Other Side. We love you Musky. We love you Bishop. We love you Oberdere. And of course we love all of you kitties: NoName, Silver, Babos, Grisby Anne, Pasco, Tuffy, Nurkey, SugarWoofer, Uriel, Midnight, Ebony, Candy, Colors, Stinker, Sweetie Bogel Pie, and all the others who are almost too numerous to mention.

My Beautiful Girlfriend and I have often remarked, “holy s#@! we’re gonna have a boatload of animals around us when we die!!”

So be it. Just please, no more puppies. Not now.  Maybe later; but right now we hope not.

Anyway, there are a ton of pet videos out there on the web; but this one typifies the unique voice of a husky.  They don’t bark much, they kinda yodel.  Check this out.

So OK it’s like this: I am still on vacation. I burned 4 days of my vacation in conjunction with the Memorial Day holiday; which gave me a grand total of 9 days off in a row. But I have a complaint that I must place before the Board of Connectors (whatever that is): even though they’re not quite gone yet, these days off seem to have vaporized all too quickly.

Last week, I was taunting all of you with my Nyaa Nyaa Na Boo Boo ha ha on you I have vacation and you don’t song. Well maybe to you it wasn’t a song, but to me it was. So there. And before I went on said vacation, I may have mentioned to a few friends at work that I was really really REALLY looking forward to the time off. We had absolutely no travel plans, although I think I may have put 143,000 miles on the brand new, used, 2001 Chrysler Town & Country Racing Minivan MuttMobile thing. I was told this is now called a “staycation.” Well for a person who was supposed to stay, I did a lot of moving around. I’ve never been a very obedient doggy.

As I fully expected, very few of my grandiose plans actually saw anything close to fruition. I did get some stuff done though, so it wasn’t like we sat around and ate Fig Nortons all day. My Beautiful Girlfriend and I slept until we woke up every day except one. In other words, we told the alarm clock to go stand in the corner and don’t come out until we say so, darn it (can you tell we’re parents?). This morning we had to set the clock because a friend of ours was due to arrive at 9 and we didn’t want to be caught dashing about the house with nothing on but the radio.

Our vacation has been very enjoyable thus far. I very VERY rarely checked e-mail from work. Only got bugged by my boss once because someone’s phone barfed and the boss man couldn’t find the spares. I forgot what day it was a couple times. Spent quality time with family and friends. Had some nice meals. Got some garden work done. Actually got a taste of what retirement might be like. “I could get used to this,” I told my Lovely Bride Lady more than once. The time just goes too quickly!! My Sweet Honey Pie said today, “if vacation goes this fast, can you imagine how quickly retirement will go??” “Sure,” I said, “I’ll get out of work for a day or so and then we’ll be dead!!” Then I reminded her about a valuable tool we acquired some years ago: “let’s just try to stay in today and enjoy it.”

Remember what I said earlier about telling a few people at work that I was looking forward to vacation? Well there’s only one problem with doing that: inevitably someone tells you something very real that you’d really rather not hear. One of my friends said, “it’ll be the fastest week of your life, Ken!” Upon hearing that, I gently replied, “SHUTUP!!” and of course we both laughed. I ain’t laughing no any more. He was right. Ah well, when I get back to work I’ll start staring at the calendar so I can plot when to tack the next vacation days onto a holiday weekend.

In the meantime, I’m still on vacation, so Nyaa Nyaa Na Boo Boo!!

We did get to go to the movies… but it wasn’t this one. However, I really believe that the work these two fellows did is timeless.

Since I’m old enough to remember when The Beatles came to the US on the Mayflower, I’ve been able to witness some of the circle of life in action. This has become true not just for my immediate family, but also for others who are near and dear to me. Babies are born; grow up, and some of them also have babies. Older folks grow older, watch babies grow up, and eventually leave for the Great Beyond.

My Beautiful Girlfriend and I have been blessed with Beautiful Children, and our Beautiful Daughter and her Wonderful Hubby have two Beautiful Children. Our Beautiful Son has no kids yet, but one never knows what the future may bring. We also have many Beautiful Friends; some younger than us, some older. And some, of course, have left for that Great Beyond.

Several years ago, one of my Very Favorite Friends was there for me in a time of need. Back in 1989 I underwent a rather drastic life change: I received a Gift of Desperation. My use of alcohol and other drugs had given rise to a dark chasm that separated my Mr. Know It All mind from my soul. I had finally reached a point where I knew I needed help; and this Favorite Friend was there to help me along with unconditional love. She, along with many other Favorite Friends like her, shared their experience, strength, and hope with me and expected nothing in return. They loved me until I was able to love myself; and gave me the courage to embark upon a most rewarding journey toward the amazing life I enjoy today.

As time marched on, My Beautiful Girlfriend and I became very good friends with this Favorite Friend and her Beautiful Spouse. In a way, they were “friends with benefits,” and no, I do NOT mean there was ever any monkey business!! No, the benefits this Beautiful Couple gave us were their unconditional love and support.

We were given an immense honor and privilege recently. This Beautiful Couple we know and love embarked on a very difficult journey this past month; and we were fortunate enough to share our experience, strength and hope with them during the trip. Both members of this Beautiful Couple are older than us; and unfortunately the elder of the two has had health problems for several years now. In spite of these issues, she persevered with great tenacity; but eventually she needed constant care and was admitted to a local nursing home.

After two weeks she was getting somewhat “settled in;” but on the 15^th day she was rushed to the hospital with a severe stroke. Things progressed rapidly toward Hospice, and she was admitted to a local Hospice home the day after stroke occurred. “There’s more than one way to get out of a nursing home,” one of our other Beautiful Friends exclaimed. My Beautiful Girlfriend and I, along with an army of Beautiful Friends, did what we could to help this Beautiful Couple weather the storm. Our Beautiful Friend’s Beautiful Nieces came and sat by her side for what seemed like days on end.

This Amazing Woman had touched many lives, and there were very many others who, like me, had received guidance and inspiration from her. Once the shock wore off, her Beautiful Spouse gave the green light for visitors. A steady stream of other Beautiful Friends came, and paid their respects to this Beautiful Couple.

As the medications took hold, our Beautiful Friend’s agitation waned; and after seven days she completed the journey to the Other Side. Her Beautiful Spouse made note of the various physical changes, with which my Beautiful Girlfriend and I were familiar. Eleven years before we had a similar experience with my Aunt; and we had the honor and privilege of helping her die at home. So although the inevitable was on the horizon, it was unsettling to say the least. By helping out and staying close, our army of Beautiful Friends and we were able to give back some of the support and love this Beautiful Couple had given to all of us so freely.

We believe that our Beautiful Friend is at peace now. She no longer has to struggle with the challenges of a body that refuses to play nicely. The amazing people at Hospice helped her become comfortable with medications and top notch care. On the other hand, we who have to remain here without her will cry and have an ache in our hearts for some time yet. We’ll help each other grieve, and we’ll keep her legacy alive with our memories and stories.

I personally believe she is enjoying the company of many other Beautiful Friends who left for the Other Side before her. I take comfort in the belief that when it’s my turn, my family members, our Beautiful Friend, and other Beautiful Friends will be there to welcome me. In the meantime, I’ll be sad that she’s not around; but I’ll be eternally grateful the Creators presented the opportunity for our spirits to bond in such a loving way.

OK… so enough with the sad stuff. One of the delights about friendship is knowing someone, right? And because of this, I know that our Beautiful Friend would not want us to wallow in sadness… at least not for very long. So here I want to share one of the many little somethings that made us all laugh on “Movie Night.”

So as Mr. Cleese would put it, “and now for something completely different.”

I consider myself blessed beyond belief. I have a Beautiful Girlfriend who actually allowed me to marry her. We have two Beautiful Children. We have a Beautiful Son In Law. We have Beautiful Friends Who Are Basically Family. And I Also Have A Strong Propensity To Capitalize Words That Don’t Need To Be Capitalized.

I also have a brand new, 2001 Minivan that we were able to buy when our older, stinkier, 2001 “MuttMobile” Minivan died suddenly a little over month ago. The brand new 2001 Minivan is in very nice shape. So nice, in fact that my Beautiful Girlfriend asked, “are you sure you want to let the dog in here??” You see, the older, stinkier Minivan was dubbed the “MuttMobile” because it was the only vehicle in which Musky Da Husky was allowed to travel. Musky sheds his fur via great quantities of fluff bombs, and this was very evident inside the MuttMobile. And of course, if a dog travels in a car long enough, the car and dog begin to smell very much the same.

The old MuttMobile died on the highway, and we had it towed home. Fortunately, the tow truck driver was looking for a parts car; and he bought our old dead Muttmobile!! Now we are spoiled rotten Americans, with a brand new, used MuttMobile. Very nice shape… it was extremely well maintained. All the items one usually has to fix after buying a used car were repaired before we bought the car. This of course brought the price a bit higher than “blue book,” but I’m convinced it was well worth it.

So there I was, minding my own business, driving the car home from the dealership in Holland. All seemed very alright with the car, everything actually worked. But events of the following day would send a chill down my spine, however. The radio was not working very well. FM reception was fair to partly cloudy, but AM only pulled in TWO STATIONS!!! This, I cried aloud to my Beautiful Girlfriend, was unacceptable.

I’m a pretty simple guy. And although my job as a computer flunky (computer support guy) shoves me into some rather high-tech situations, I really could care less about techno-toys. That is, of course, unless you’re talking about radio or TV receivers. Those items are basically considered archaeological artifacts in these times of streaming media and so forth. But this boy loves to play with the radio, and also loves the fact that our TV reception is from an antenna; which is free.

Off I went on a journey to remedy the situation. I cried a bit to the dealer, but I distinctly remembered the “As-Is, No Warranty” disclaimer when I bought the car. So I really didn’t expect them to help much. Then I ran off to e-bay and found several replacement radios for between $35 and $50. Then off to YouTube to see how hard it was to replace the radio. Then, came the big giant epiphany into my silly head bone. “I wonder what the tow truck guy is gonna do with the radio in the old MuttMobile??”

So, I texted him. He said, “no plans for the radio, you can have it.” “How much do you want for it,” I replied. “Nothing,” he texted back. So I went to YouTube again, memorized the removal instructions, and headed to his house. Armed with my Swiss Army Knife and a Phillips head screwdriver, I had the radio out in about 5 minutes. Reversed the process when I got home, and HOLY MOLY!! IT WORKED PERFECTLY!! BOTH FM, AND AM!! I was very grateful. Did I mention I’m a spoiled rotten American?

I told this story to all my friends, and many said, “AM?? What’s on AM??” “These kids don’t know what they’re missing,” I thought to myself. I explained that there are lots of stations within a few hundred miles that are fun. Here in Beautiful West Michigan there are broadcasts from as far as Detroit that come in very clearly, as well as Chicago and Milwaukee. At night the AM radio band comes alive; and stations from many hundreds and even thousands of miles can be heard. See for yourself; click on this link thingy for a listing of all kinds of AM stations—> http://www.am-dx.com/fcclist.htm

Anywho, the car radio AM important to me; and now the new MuttMobile is ready to rock. AM I a lucky guy or what??

So, what’s so special about AM?? Well, among other things, some stations are still broadcasting what are now called “old time radio programs.” Here’s a clip from The George Allen and Gracie Allen Show, which like many shows of its day, made the transition from radio to television. You can literally enjoy the radio audience experience by closing your eyes while listening during the clip. Hope you like!

But who’s counting?

I confess, I done did it.  Several months ago actually.  I put a countdown timer on my work computer.  Yes I did.  Then I set the timer for March 1, 2020 and stared at it for several weeks.

OK, maybe not.

But I do kick it off every now and then, just to allow myself a little hope amidst the madness that is industry.  For those who are unaware, if I make it to that date, I’ll be 66 and will finally be on the Retirement Bandwagon.  I say “if” because if there’s one thing I’ve learned thus far during my stay on this planet; it’s that there’s no such thing as a sure thing.  I feel pretty good about my chances though.  We try to eat right, I exercise pretty regularly, and I’m pretty healthy if I must say so myself.

Friends who know I installed the countdown timer have said, “are you trying to drive yourself nuts?  That would make me crazy.”  “No,” I reply, “it gives me hope, but also reminds me of how much I need to do between now and then.”  And of course I do love to remind my coworkers of my countdown; especially the younger ones.  We have this instant messaging program you see; and we can communicate between sites with the flick of a few typings.  So just for fun, I copy and paste the read out of the countdown clock and send it in a message.  The youngsters tell me they’re jealous, and then I remind them that I’ve already suffered for many years; so I deserve it, darn it anyway!!

Woulda – shoulda – coulda still creeps up on me every now and again however.  Oh, and not to forget the ‘fonlies (pronounced “fone-lees”).  You know, if I woulda saved more money like I shoulda, I coulda retired years ago.  And hey, ‘fonly I hadn’t wasted so much money on all that “fun,” I coulda had a lot more in the bank by now.

Well instead of all that, I’m just working on staying grateful.  I have a Beautiful Girlfriend who actually allowed me to marry her some years ago.  We have a nice home, beautiful children, awesome grandchildren.  We even have pets who love us unconditionally… although maybe they are just hooked on the situation of being well fed and having a warm place to sleep during the Michigan winter.  I am basically a spoiled rotten human… very blessed indeed.

I try to stay grateful for my job; and that works most of the time.  Sure, I’m human so I still whine from time to time.  I boast to my coworkers that I’m a “computer flunky,” very happy to be at the bottom of the chain of command in the salary ranks.  In other words, when the doody rolls downhill, I’m at the bottom; and that’s very OK with me.  Very grateful I have skills that translate into decent pay; but technology is more of a necessary evil than a source of wonder these days.  “I hate computers,” I mumble as I’m trying to noodle out a problem at work.  My friends laugh when they hear this; but I assure them that I’m not really kidding.  Then they tell me how smart I must be to do this kind of work; at which time I emphatically state “I’m just a trained monkey.”

Give me a hoe or a spading fork over a pile of hard drives or memory sticks any day.  My heart is in the soil; I love to grow food organically.  But that doesn’t bring in money as quickly as the job does, so if possible I hope to do that until the mortgage is finally gone.  Never know, they might give me the boot when I least expect it.  No such thing as a sure thing.

So now that you’ve heard my yearning for retirement, please e-mail me large amounts of cash and precious metals so I can quit my job and finish out my years with financial independence.  If every person who reads this were to send me just 10 cents, well sheesh, I’d probably have like 32 cents!!  Did you know there are three types of people in this world?  That’s right:  those who can count, and those who can’t.

Count me in.  For retirement I mean.  Well OK, in 5 years, 1 day and 9 minutes.

And now for something I really like, and I hope you will too.