Holiday Hanky Panky

Holiday hanky panky… that’s what I’ll call it. It’s a play on words you see… the phrase could be taken as a search for naughty bits during the Holidays, which for me would mean that I’m hoping to get fribbly with my Beautiful Girlfriend; who is also my wife, but I’m not gonna go down that whistle honkler hoochie coochie surprise because I really would like to enjoy some Ho-Ho-Ho-Hanky-Panky with her but that ain’t none of your beeswax and if go into detail of what that might mean and then post it on the interwebs for all the world to see it would greatly lessen the likelihood of any Marital Monkey Business so just never you mind, you won’t be reading about any of that there stuff in this run-on sentence so thank you very much.


OK. So what I really mean is: OK it’s like this you see… yes… um… don’t tell my Beautiful Wife Lady, but I’ve been buying stuff for her for a while now and she doesn’t know it. Ha ha, I laugh of this in a bigly manner! Just call me Sneaky Pete, but I probably won’t answer to that because my name is Ken, but those near and dear to me call me Kenny, so if you call me Sneaky Pete I might smirk at the sound of it but I might also stare off in the distance because I probably will be completely oblivious of the fact that you are referring to me even after I just told to call me that in the beginning of yet another run-on sentence.


It’s kind of fun though. I do some of my shopping online, and stuff often gets dropped off on our steps near the driveway. We don’t use the side door, so even though the UPS man comes and leaves surprises, she rarely notices. That gives me the opportunity to stash things in the garage. She often goes to sleep before me, so I can sneak off to smuggle the goodies up to my office and hide them in the closet. Other smuggling missions involve “accidentally” leaving stuff in the car after coming home a smidge late from work, or perhaps concealing small items in my jacket pockets until the coast is clear.

Am I a rascal or what??

Of course, some of this covert activity is in the interest of resource preservation. Say what?? Well you see it’s like this: we both really like sweet things. We especially love homemade goodies that our friends give us during the holiday season. However, my Glamorous Honey Pie’s sweet tooth has a much stronger craving radar than mine does. If we get something yummy from a friend that we’re supposed to share, if I don’t hide it, there will be a mysterious depletion that occurs when I’m not around. When I forget (or choose not) to hide something, her sweet tooth zeroes in and attacks. Upon noticing the reduction in quantity I make a scientific observation, and I’ll announce my findings thusly: “I think mice have been eating the fudge!!”

Thankfully, I’m pretty much done with my hanky panky gift getting and hiding. And I’m even a tiny bit ahead of schedule!! Here it’s only the Solstice… usually I’m out chasing last minute surprises on Christmas Eve. And yes, I’m hoping to chase the Lovely Love Of My Life Lady around a bit during the Holidays; with the full intention of engaging in that married-people-hanky-panky I alluded to before. But that ain’t none of your beeswax so just never you mind!!

Please, all of you, Have a Happy Merry and a Joyful Wonderful. This time of year always gives me pause to reflect; and there’s one particular movie that makes me gush with emotion. The 1951 version of “A Christmas Carol” has always been very powerful for me; especially the last few scenes. Although I didn’t know it at the time, I spent much of my early life “with no eyes to see, no ears to hear.” Some rather stark life lessons have ushered me out of darkness; and these days I just try to remain teachable. This week’s video is the scene that makes me gush tears of gratitude and happiness. So without further ado…