A Bull In The Coffee Shop

There are times when I’m just a bit groggy when I wake up in the morning. OK, there are lots of times. That’s part of why we have an automatic coffee maker; so the brew is hot and ready when we drag our hineys out of bed. Hey, you know how the old song goes: “Waking Up Is Hard To Do.” What? That’s not the song?? Oh fine.


Anyway, there I was last Sunday morning, minding my own business, pouring coffee from the pot into my travel cup. Since my Honey Pie was awake, I poured her some too. No problem, right? Good. Now it’s time for some honey… mmmm stir it up nicely. OK, now the cream. So I get the half & half out of the fridge, unscrew the cap, and KNOCK THE STUPID THING OVER, AND NOW THERE’S CREAM EVERYWHERE, AND I QUICKLY STAND THE CARTON BACK UP BUT NOT TILL AFTER CREAM HAS FLOWN ALL OVER THE KITCHEN FLOOR, AND SPLATTERED THE CABINETS, AT WHICH TIME I MAY HAVE UTTERED SOME VERY VULGAR EXCLAMATIONS, but my Beautiful Girlfriend (she let me marry her some years ago) was happy (and perhaps even amazed) that I did not get completely angry or kick the oven or roll around on the floor foaming at the mouth and shaking and screaming; but instead I got an old towel we use as a rag and cleaned up my boo boo and then got another old towel to use as a wet mop to prevent a sticky mess and HOLY MOLY THIS ALL BECAME THE FODDER FOR A RUN-ON SENTENCE WITH AN OVER USE OF CAPITAL LETTERS.

Sheesh… what a klutz, ya know??

Monday, thankfully, was uneventful in the coffee universe. I was very grateful that I was actually able to get my morning cup with no coffee kaboom. My Lovely Bride doesn’t work Monday mornings, so she was unable to enjoy this calm coffee procurement occurrence. Since I made a full pot, I put the rest in our insulated carafe for later. My Sweetie got hers when she awoke, but there was a bit left over. We’ll often leave the previous day’s leftovers in the carafe, then pour it into the pot to top it off and let it heat again after we get our java. Saves a few pennies, ya know?

Then came Tuesday, a workday for the both of us. We shuffle into the kitchen, and I pour coffee into our cups with no incident. Yet. Then I get the carafe, and give the top just a couple turns (or so I thought) to pour Monday’s leftovers into the pot for reheating. I even joked a little, “let’s see if I can successfully pour this leftover coffee into the pot.” I open the lid of the pot, tip the carafe, and WHAM!! The stupid top falls off and goes PLOP!! in the waiting pot, making coffee fly all over the place. This caused instant giggling from both of us. I mean, what else could we do?? It was too funny. And it was also much easier to clean up than cream.

So yes, my name is Ken and I’m a KLUTZ. Not only am I like a bull in the coffee shop (we have no china shops nearby), but I also like to walk into furniture. But when I clunk the couch or whatever, I do say “excuse me.” I also enjoy knocking things down off of shelves when reaching for stuff. It’s a very exciting adventure, this klutz-o-rama business.

Therefore, if you invite me to your home, please map out a specific area in which I may walk. Might be a good idea to move any expensive breakables to a safe location also. And if you are silly enough to ask to pour coffee (or any other beverage), all I can say is, hey, I warned you.

Don’t think I’d do very well in the kitchen with these guys…