The Glass(es) Menagerie

As some of you who are reading this are aware, getting old is not for wimps. I’ve enjoyed 66 trips around the Sun on this globe we call Earth. My brain is pretty much convinced I’m still a young pup, then I go do something silly and try a spontaneous sprint. The result: a pulled calf muscle. OW that hurts!! This was never an issue when I was, oh… like maybe 30. But now if I choose to exert a burst of energy, I better do some stretching first or suffer the ouchy-wouchies.

And that’s just one example.

Fortunately, I somehow was blessed with pretty good eyeballs. Corrective lenses only became needed in my late 40s; and then all I really needed was some +1.00 readers. Used those for many years, and then I started needing stronger ones. When I went for an exam, I was told twice now that I “have an onset of cataracts,” but nothing requiring any action. I was also told “you passed the driver’s test without glasses.” Yet when I went to renew my license a few years ago, they said I needed glasses. That’s a bit confusing, but I just use readers (I’m up to +2.50 now) and all is good.

My Beautiful Girlfriend had cataract surgery a while back. She was offered a choice to either have good long range vision and only need reading glasses for close-up stuff, or no glasses for near but corrective lenses for distant vision. The choice was pretty obvious to her; and after some 60 years of nearsightedness she can now see stars like never before.

Over the years, I’ve built up a collection of reading glasses of various strengths. Still have most of them, and there are some favorite “John Lennon” style wire frames that I use for cooking special meals, even though a stronger pair might work better. It’s a spiritual thing I guess; if that makes any sense. I have glasses that come in two-part metal tubes. I keep a pair of those in my pocket when I’m in the garden. Nice because they don’t get smooshed, and I don’t worry about dropping them in the dirt. Of course I’ve also acquired several pair with cases that clip into a shirt pocket. Those really flashed the “computer geek” fashion statement while I was working. Although my Honey Pie could easily use one of my many pairs of readers, she has built up a collection of her own. I guess mine weren’t girly enough (duh).

These days, it’s possible we have 729 pairs of reading glasses between us. Some are kept in the car, some in the bathroom, some in the kitchen, some in the bedroom. So what happens when either of us tries to read a soup label or something? An exclamation is repeated over and over: “where the HECK are my glasses??” Often, this is answered in the same breath with a sighing, “oh there they are!!”

Regardless of the fact that we always know a pair is near (somewhere), one of us inevitably picks up a bill or prescription or something and squints almost painfully while barely making out the words. Then the other will say, “Honey!! Why don’t you grab your glasses??” Oh, and not to forget the frantic scramble to grab a document or something while on the phone with the doctor’s office and then muttering, “where the bleep!! are my blankety-blank glasses??” and hoping the nice person who called didn’t hear.

Got some pretty big chuckles the other day when was trying to read with a pair of cheap wire-rims. I thought one of my eyes was going bad, only to discover one of the lenses had fallen out of the frame. After finding the missing lens I howled with laughter. Then later I noticed my computer glasses were not working too well. That’s because they are +1.75, but now I’m better with +2.50. Sheesh!!

Yes, it’s a glasses menagerie around here! There are times, though, when I can’t help but amuse myself while hunting for glasses. I do some Three Stooges dialog out loud: “I can’t see!! I can’t see!!” “Whats the matter??” “I got my eyes closed!!”

On the other hand, you have the looking glass…