But who’s counting?

I confess, I done did it.  Several months ago actually.  I put a countdown timer on my work computer.  Yes I did.  Then I set the timer for March 1, 2020 and stared at it for several weeks.

OK, maybe not.

But I do kick it off every now and then, just to allow myself a little hope amidst the madness that is industry.  For those who are unaware, if I make it to that date, I’ll be 66 and will finally be on the Retirement Bandwagon.  I say “if” because if there’s one thing I’ve learned thus far during my stay on this planet; it’s that there’s no such thing as a sure thing.  I feel pretty good about my chances though.  We try to eat right, I exercise pretty regularly, and I’m pretty healthy if I must say so myself.

Friends who know I installed the countdown timer have said, “are you trying to drive yourself nuts?  That would make me crazy.”  “No,” I reply, “it gives me hope, but also reminds me of how much I need to do between now and then.”  And of course I do love to remind my coworkers of my countdown; especially the younger ones.  We have this instant messaging program you see; and we can communicate between sites with the flick of a few typings.  So just for fun, I copy and paste the read out of the countdown clock and send it in a message.  The youngsters tell me they’re jealous, and then I remind them that I’ve already suffered for many years; so I deserve it, darn it anyway!!

Woulda – shoulda – coulda still creeps up on me every now and again however.  Oh, and not to forget the ‘fonlies (pronounced “fone-lees”).  You know, if I woulda saved more money like I shoulda, I coulda retired years ago.  And hey, ‘fonly I hadn’t wasted so much money on all that “fun,” I coulda had a lot more in the bank by now.

Well instead of all that, I’m just working on staying grateful.  I have a Beautiful Girlfriend who actually allowed me to marry her some years ago.  We have a nice home, beautiful children, awesome grandchildren.  We even have pets who love us unconditionally… although maybe they are just hooked on the situation of being well fed and having a warm place to sleep during the Michigan winter.  I am basically a spoiled rotten human… very blessed indeed.

I try to stay grateful for my job; and that works most of the time.  Sure, I’m human so I still whine from time to time.  I boast to my coworkers that I’m a “computer flunky,” very happy to be at the bottom of the chain of command in the salary ranks.  In other words, when the doody rolls downhill, I’m at the bottom; and that’s very OK with me.  Very grateful I have skills that translate into decent pay; but technology is more of a necessary evil than a source of wonder these days.  “I hate computers,” I mumble as I’m trying to noodle out a problem at work.  My friends laugh when they hear this; but I assure them that I’m not really kidding.  Then they tell me how smart I must be to do this kind of work; at which time I emphatically state “I’m just a trained monkey.”

Give me a hoe or a spading fork over a pile of hard drives or memory sticks any day.  My heart is in the soil; I love to grow food organically.  But that doesn’t bring in money as quickly as the job does, so if possible I hope to do that until the mortgage is finally gone.  Never know, they might give me the boot when I least expect it.  No such thing as a sure thing.

So now that you’ve heard my yearning for retirement, please e-mail me large amounts of cash and precious metals so I can quit my job and finish out my years with financial independence.  If every person who reads this were to send me just 10 cents, well sheesh, I’d probably have like 32 cents!!  Did you know there are three types of people in this world?  That’s right:  those who can count, and those who can’t.

Count me in.  For retirement I mean.  Well OK, in 5 years, 1 day and 9 minutes.

And now for something I really like, and I hope you will too.