Some of you may be aware that this Monday brings a celebration day for Peace, Love, and Harmony. And yes, of course I’m talking about Valentine’s Day. I firmly believe that February 14 is not a day to be celebrated only by lovers. The spirit of the day should be shared with everyone, because hey, “What The World Needs Now Is Love;” and yes, the Dionne Warwick reference is definitely intended.
At our house, Valentine’s Day has always been very warm and fuzzy; dripping with honey globs and covered with chocolate mixed with assorted deliciousness accompanied by some hugging and maybe some smooching and perhaps some none-of-your-business. We usually enjoy a special treat for dinner. You know, stuff like steak on the half shell or maybe lobster toenails served on a crispy bed of burnt popcorn. Our palates will then be delicately washed with a nice glass of alcohol free sparkling orange & tomato juice with a healthy dollop of cinnamon baked oatmeal floating on top. Often we like to have some candy, and since we’ve been very careful with our sugar intake this year we went to The Lakeside Emporium (← click the link to their store) (I double-D dare ya) (yes, I like to put too many things in parentheses) for a rare treat. Each of us selected enough delicious morsels to fill a 40 pound container. It’s also possible that we limited our selections to 12 candies each. Yesterday, while she was at work, I stopped at our old favorite, the White Lake Greenhouse (← another link!!) and picked out a nice bouquet of the customary flowers which will be hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that Saint Valentine soon will be there.
Since Covid, we’ve been enjoying movies quite a bit in the comfort of our own home. I must confess, when my Beautiful Girlfriend requested that I install surround sound in our bedroom all those years ago, I brooped and merfled at the idea. Now of course we very much enjoy chilling out with our HUGE 32 inch flat screen TV (the best size to fit in the cabinet she wanted) and full surround audio from a nice Pioneer system. I’m hoping my Lovely Bride will agree to an action flick this time. Perhaps something like the Saskatchewan Chainsaw Massacre… it’s like the one in Texas but colder and more polite. Of course she may want to watch one of those romantic classics like Guess Which Vampire Is Coming To Dinner; that one’s a mixture of passion and her love for vampire movies. Who knows… maybe we’ll settle for an old Buster Keaton movie and some cartoons.
After the movie, as has always (never) been the case in previous years, I will serenade my Sweetheart by yodeling Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” and then Devo’s “Time Out For Fun” in their entirety. I’ll probably be yodeling vociferously while painting my eyebrows with neon green hi-lighter to increase her arousal. The serenade is preceded by my newly discovered trick of getting lollipops to stick to my cheeks after a few licks. Yep, just get them a bit moist on one side, then press and hold for approximately 5 minutes. The result will likely put a big smile on her face, especially as my neon green eyebrows dance seductively while the lollipop sticks hop to the yodel-wiggles while I belt out the tunes.
As you can see, I really know how to show my Darling Honey Pie a good time on Valentine’s Day. My sincere hope for all of you is that you give and / or receive love on the upcoming Special Day; but please do not stop there. What the world really does need, is Love, Sweet Love; so please spread it far and wide, each and every day of the year. Even something small like telling a retail worker “Thank You” is a nice way to spread the love.
And if they don’t seem moved, you can always offer to yodel for them.