Greetings to all on this almost the last day of 2022. I hope you all had a safe and happy holiday universe these past several week months. Many of us have endured hardships and loss, but I submit that anyone reading this is a very blessed person. For why I am say this, I am ask with terrible grammar?? Because hey, if you are reading this, that means you are able to access the interwebs, AND you have a device that allows you to open silly web pages such as this one. Therefore and two wits, you are much more fortunate than many humans on this globe we call Earth.
So hey, if we are blessed, then we also have room for improvement, right? Well I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’m very sure that there’s lots of stuff I could probably do better. It is in this spirit of improvement, therefore, that I submit to you the following list of revulsions I either do or do not intend to embrace as methods of improvements for the New Year.
OK, here we go…
1, I hereby promise that I will write shorter sentences when I am trying to express myself with written words on a screen, on paper, or even on the sidewalk, because I’ve noticed that if I write sentences that are too long then people have difficulty controlling their breathing while reading them aloud to their children or even their pets; and hey, who knows, they may even want to read something to their toasters or perhaps even a passing praying mantis who has absolutely no concept of English or any other foreign language, much less be willing to be bored by a run-on sentence which obviously this has become.
L! I will do my best to improve the appearance of my garbage and recycling. Perhaps I could arrange the recycling in complex yet attractive geometric patterns; and in regard to garbage, well it’s just trash so the heck with it… it can just sit there like the garbage it is. I mean, who’s gonna care really?? Oh… you gonna call the Gobbich Police?? Well fooey on you, by golly dere!
9? Remember all those times I talked about losing weight? Well of course you don’t, you weren’t there!! So if you don’t remember, well just forget about it!! And even if you were there, just forget it also too in addition even!! Do you know how hard it is to keep weight off when you love to eat??? I mean c’mon awreddy!! Whatcha gonna do?? Call the Gobbich Police?? Oh wait… that was from before. Never mind, please.
Y* It’s possible that I sometimes am silly. Well this coming year, I hereby promise to continue to be silly. I’ll try a little harder not to be silly at inappropriate times. For example, it may not be appropriate to put my fingers in the meatballs at a potluck and use the gravy to accent my eyebrows. No, that would only be OK if the meatballs were really good and you want to make sure nobody else will go for them.
q7$ I will refrain from writing nonsense. Maybe. I’m not sure. Perhaps I could just send nonsensical text messages to loved ones. I have been known to send notes like: “I’m searching for bandersnag seeds so I can make yummy casseroles to sell online. So: if you know anyone who remembers Johnny Wumpo And The Fleebs, please keep it to yourself. Thank you.” Or perhaps a silly poem… something like:
Gravy in my armpits, syrup on my knees,
buckets full of macaroni hanging from the trees.
Images of all these things will stick inside my head.
Hope I have a different dream when I go back to bed.
Oh heck, who am I kidding?? I love to write nonsense. Please erase item q7$.
But seriously folk, invariably someone will ask me if I have any New Year’s resolutions. I’ve had the same resolution, yes, just one, for several years now: Try to do better.
So I will.
I sincerely hope 2023 brings all of you good fortune and good health. And if you can’t have those, I will keep you in my prayers. But hey, I was gonna do that anyway.
Peace, Love, and Hugs,
Und now for ze video addition zings… und I haff no idea vie I am trying to write in a strange accent.
Here’s one for my friend Kurt… hope all of you will like it too.