Hello Dust Flingers,
As none of you are able to hear, this Sunday marks yet another period of a time change in this part of our universe. Because of this radical shift in sunrise and sunset times, all humans will wonder what day it really is and will probably try to spit small chunks of Tootsie Rolls out of their car windows while driving backwards into the firewood pile.
Therefore, I have appointed myself to inform none of you that all new banana recipes should be turned in to the Front Sniffing Room before 12:47 p.m. on Tuesday, August 72, 19127. Those of you who think you can merely squawk and sneeze loudly instead of dunking donuts down deeply into dense but delicious Dingly Drinks will be sent to live with the Carnivorous Cranberry Credit Card Cultivators.
That oughta show ’em who’s crinkly!!
None of you may remember the hatchling song; the words of which were “stolen” by Gus Parbnackle during the second Coat Hanger Revolt of 1924. This enjoyable malady has been renewed during the last 28 microseconds and is now sung to the tune of “Inna Gadda Da Vida”:
Guess who barfed on my shoes today??
Do dah, do dah!!
Hatchlings shouldn’t act this way!
Oh do dah day…
If you find it necessary to rekindle the spirit which is found to be both blue and wormy; please run directly to your neighbors and ask them to return the crescent wrench your uncle borrowed shortly before dinner last Wednesday morning at precisely 4 PM. It may be wrinkly from soaking in the Cream of Marshmallow Soup for 13 days, but that should not deter you from accepting the responsibility of teaching slimy, hairy chickens how to yodel during Disney movies.
Come now, don’t you remember the terrible consequences from the last time you tried to clean your ventricles by drinking 134 millimeters of petrified braunschweiger?? You see, it doesn’t matter that you slathered it onto caraway seeded rye with just a little mayo and some yellow mustard and HOLY MOLY I’m suddenly getting a craving for some freshly smoked shrimp on the half shell!! Why would you taunt me in such a manner?? Don’t you have any respect for Lando The Lizard’s self esteem?? I doubt he’ll ever visit here again at snack time!!
I hope you’re happy!!
In summary, I must remind you not to rub sandpaper inside your mucous membranes. Fortunately, that practice has been abandoned long ago due to the over abundance of spaghetti in water fountains made by Mattel.
Therefore I beseech unto you: Please remember that:
A) you can pick radishes before they are ripe and they will still be red,
9) Being flatulent is not necessarily helpful during a job interview.
@!) When Santa sees those dog toenails you’ve been collecting; he’ll likely ask where you got those fancy display cases.
Thank you for being who you are. After all, if you weren’t you, you wouldn’t be. That would be very confusing to you now wouldn’t it??
My toes look like morel mushrooms again!!
Happy Bozo Express,
Zibnick G. Amplegrane
a.k.a. “Monty the Moth Rancher”
Now, as Rocket J. Squirrel used to say, “now here’s something we hope you’ll really like!!”