The Invisible Private Eye Monster

‘Tis the season for monsters ya know. We’re pretty sure we are plagued by one. Things keep coming up missing around here and we’re not sure who’s to blame. I mean hey, we are gentle people; and as far as we know we haven’t done anything mean to anyone… at least not on purpose. Nevertheless, stuff keeps vanishing when we least expect it. While deep in search the other day, in exasperation my Beautiful Girlfriend proclaimed, “I think we have a monster!!”

I have never seen this monster. Neither has she. Haven’t heard any nasty groans or growls… although yesterday there was a shocking “CRASH!! BONK BOnk bonk!!” that we had trouble identifying. Scared the living hoodlemonkers out of me!! And I don’t even know what hoodlemonkers are!! I leaped up and went searching for what might be lying in pieces somewhere. I was ready to blame this destruction on Freddy The Freeloader (our cat, Fred); but I didn’t find any evidence of broken stuff lying around. After a couple trips to various rooms, I discovered that the horrible crash emanated from the hand shower that sticks to the wall of the shower enclosure. It had come loose (again), and although there was no damage it sure made one heck of a noise. We rarely use it, it works off a little valve off the main shower head and sticks to the wall of the shower enclosure with a very expensive (cheap junk) suction cup thingy. I’ve tried to make it stick better by putting a little water on the surface of the suction cup doomaflochy (pardon my technical talk). That worked for a little while. Then I used a tiny bit of olive oil. That worked for a few months. This time I tried some shampoo. Who knows?? Maybe it will stay put for a bit.

So the monster probably did not make the shower head fall down.

I’m gonna go out on a limb here though and blame the clutter bomb fragments that adorn our garage on this invisible monster. Anyone else out there have a favorite tool, then go to actually use it, and it’s nowhere to be found? So what’s my solution? Go to the store for a replacement. This also happens with nails, screws, caulk, caulking guns, packages of sandpaper, paint… you name it. The monster hides all these things from me. Then when I come home with replacement stuff, I find the original “missing” things about a week or so after the project is complete. And of course they’re all right where I left them. We’ve embarked on a few cleansing missions though, and let’s just say that the local Rescue Mission Thrift Store has benefited from our accumulations of goofs.

My Lovely Bride came home from a short shopping jaunt yesterday, and said, “I bought 3 more pair of reading glasses!” “OK…,” I replied. “They keep vanishing!!” she explained. “Must be the monster!!” I said. “Yes!!” she retorted. Now I have to admit that I’ve made some big mistakes during our 48 years of marriage, but I wasn’t about to point out that she has approximately 174 pairs of glasses in the house already. I’m not as dumb as I look, you see. And OK maybe I’m exaggerating just a bit, but we do have several. Some of them are mine!!

We were watching the news today, and I looked across the room on the windowsill. I blurted out,“Hey Honey, there’s some glasses over there!” “Where the heck did those come from??” she wondered. “Maybe the monster put them there.” I responded. After the news was over, I was soliciting ideas for this week’s “Happy Friday!!!” We were both on the same wavelength regarding this mysterious monster as a main topic; but I was looking for a name. “The Private Eye Monster,” my Dear Honey offered. “How did you get that?” I wondered; thinking aloud that it sounded like the monster was a detective or something.

“No,” she explained, “it keeps stealing my private eyes!!”

And now for some seasonal monster cartoon fun.