Greetings, fellow Song Yodelers,
Here’s wishing you the Happiest Merry of all Years, with dotted Ts and crossed eyes following all of your newly configured radial sandwich flavors. It is very and ultra important that we greet this new year with pledges of doing remarkable things. As you may already know, pledges are words that express an intent to do something. Politicians know the value of a pledge. They use them to get elected and, once in office, they do what they bloody well want. But when you come right down to it, when people make promises about this or that at the beginning of a brand new year, they have a lot in common with politicians. Many people make pledges, but how many fulfill them??
This I am unable to know.
2025 brought great weeping and gnashing of teeth for many of us. Although many thought they were voting for positive change, the changes that have been made are, in my professional opinion, too often a bit less than positive. There do seem to be some cracks forming in the walls of corruption, but all too often the same old stories persist:
1) The rich get richer, the poor become more numerous, and the working class gets to pay for all of it; and
29) War is still not the answer, even though all too many people cling to the notion that it can be “morally justified.” I know, I know… “there’s so much evil in the world;” and “we have the right to defend ourselves…” Yada yada yada. My professional opinion: The use of weapons produces a very immediate (albeit tragic) result. However, there will NEVER be lasting peace until we are ready to treat each other with respect; communicate; and persistently work together to address the roots of the issues.
Oh but hey, that stuff takes way too long. Let’s just go bomb somebody.
Oy yoy yoy.
“Tax the rich, feed the poor, till there are no rich no more…”
These kinds of ickyness just give me the warm fuzzy noodle constipation that every mom loves. But I know that it’s always easier to find fault with others than to look inward, so I thought I’d better lay out a plan for my own self improvement. Therefore, I beg of each of you to elect me as your next Filibuster Yakkity Yak Doo Dah Day for 2026. My plan for self bereavement lies below.
Please be not aware that I have regurgitated the following Noo Yeer’s Revolutions:
1) To remind myself that I need to remember those things which I can’t seem to recall.
What was that again? What was I thinking about…??
R) To lose weight, gain it back, lose it again, and lose some more until my nostrils can be used for sidewalk painting without fear of changing lanes abruptly.
Please pass the pepperoni flakes and the coagulated skim milk.
24) To change lanes abruptly so all weight loss can be vehemently avoided.
Watch out for that tree!! It has a scale near it!!
++) To boldly go where no earthworm has ever dined before.
Ummm… you gonna eat that compost??
3X) To be nice to all people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Excuse me sire, your toupee is on fire. May I stomp it out for you?
T5) To dress in all recyclable clothing, in order to lighten the load on my laundry licking machine.
I especially favor the milk jug socks and the recycled string bikini underwear.
Z44) To unite all small countries in a global effort to stop Homer Simpson from eating my cake.
Alright boys, this is it… you clunk him on the cake eater and I’ll spray him with a completely different shade of yellow.
And finally:
9) To sing loudly (or sometimes softly, even silently) about how wonderful it is to be alive, ever reminding myself that life really is a joy and that complaining is tantamount to feeding dogfood to caterpillars. In other words, no matter how badly I think I have it, I am really a wealthy person. I have received many gifts from the Creator. As Alistair Sim said in my favorite Christmas movie (Scrooge) “I don’t deserve to be so happy, but I can’t help it.”
I suspect that if you are reading this, you are wealthy also. You don’t think so?? OK smartypants, lemme ask you these: Do you have a car? Do you have enough to eat? Do any of your clothes fit nicely? Do you have friends? A warm, safe place to sleep?
If you answered yes to any of those, you are wealthy. OK??
So I hereby beseech all of you to have a most Wonderful New Year of this 2026 Universe, and that you discover New Millipedes under every log you roll. Love your brethren and your cistern. Love your father, your mother, and your Mother (Earth). And please, please share what you can with those less fortunate than you are.
And always remember to be kind to yourself and other living things.
Peace, Love, and Hugs,
Kenny
“And now,” as Mr. Cleese used to say, “for something completely different.”