No, I’m not gonna write about the book “Goodbye Columbus,” by Philip Roth; partially because I never read the book, but also because I never saw the movie by the same name. Why I would write about what I’m not going to write about is not important either, so I hereby declare this paragraph completely unnecessary and I now pronounce you Macaroni and Cheese.
On the other hand, this coming Monday is a federal holiday. According to the Google, the holiday is still called Columbus Day, although here in Michigan and other states it is celebrated as Indigenous People’s Day. Our daughter just refers to it as “no mail day.” I’ve never really been too fond of Columbus Day; nor have I ever really been amazed by Christopher Columbus and his band of merry men. One does have to admit, however, that surviving ocean travel over such distances in the late 1400’s was kind of remarkable.
What bugs me is all this fuss about some Italian dude “discovering” America; and after listening to some news on the radio this past Monday I’ve happily “discovered” that I’m not alone. Several communities in the US are dumping Columbus Day in favor of what’s been called Indigenous People’s Day in honor of Native Americans. Rightly so, because after all, they were here first.
Besides all that, being of Norwegian descent I get a little snorked that the Vikings get little credit for sailing to this continent about 500 years before that Italian dude. From what I’ve read they didn’t stay long; and ended up going back to Greenland after the natives made it very clear they weren’t welcome. Anyhow, no celebration of Columbus Day at our house. However, I do love to be a little silly at times (OK many times), so I hereby present you with my own version of a poem we learned when I was a kid in school:
In 1492
In fourteen hundred and ninety two,
Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
If he hollers let him go,
Eeny, meeny, mynee, moe.
He took three ships, their names were these:
El Niño, The Pinto, and The Sack Of Cheese.
If he hollers let him go,
Eeny, meeny, mynee, moe.
I’m unreasonably certain that this poem will be adopted throughout the land. Or perhaps it will be banned due to its homo sapiens innuendo and covert satanic referendum. After all, it’s quite invincible that if you vociferously chant “Eeny, meeny, mynee, moe” during a full moon in the middle of an automobile recycling center (a.k.a. junkyard), you may want to remain somewhat motionless to avoid tripping over randomly placed hubcaps and / or transaxle assemblies. Similarly, shouting “El Niño, The Pinto, and The Sack Of Cheese!!” seven times in rapid succession is likely to cause one to somnambulate during reruns of “Gilligan’s Island.”
Might be good not to even read that silly poem. Not sure what effect it may have on your spirit, your aorta, or your Karmen. What?? You read it already?? Well I guess the cravat is out of the bag then.
So if you have Monday off, good for you. I have every Monday off, because I’m retired and you are not. Unless you are of course. Retired. But if not, thank you for keeping Social Security solvent for me. And please, have a Happy Monday and a somber, reflective Indigenous People’s Day.
Otherwise, I shall have no choice but to report you to the Inner Peace Police.
These have nothing to do with anything, but I found them rather amusing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-tUkPD4NV8