Dear Antenna Ranchers,
I found it necessary to let you all know that I am on vacation tomorrow, and you are not. Unless you are, then you are also.
Have I mentioned I’m not working tomorrow?? Oh wait… it’s Thursday, yet I’m writing this thing called Happy Friday. So that means it’s today already!! Which means: I‘m on vacation!!
And you are not,
Nyaa nyaa na boo boo.
Unless you are.
Ha ha on you who must work, I laugh to you. I bet your toenails are shivering at the thought of working for the next days of working. This is very amusing to me indeed.
I plan to spend the next 4 days doing things that I do not get paid to do. This is why it is called vacation. OK, technically I only took Friday and Monday off, but that’s still 4 days in a row of no work stuff. Although it won’t happen THIS time, some of my favorite things to do are playing in the garden, sleeping longer than normal and maybe even forgetting how to shave my cat’s teddy bear baskets. When I return, the garden must be carefully tilled with explosives and high pressure syrup hoses. Following that, I methodically mix all my veggie seeds together in a large five gallon bucket and fling them into the syrup explosion zones. Pancakes will be sprouting before June 48, 2193 if we don’t get any rain…
We are driving to Chicago this time, which is accomplished by rolling down the road while sitting on our hineys in a Brand New, 2001 Chrysler Town And Country we affectionately call, “Old Rattlebonken.” We go to hire comedians Steve Martin and Martin Short (OK, we are chipping in with many other people). Their show is called, “An Evening You Will Forget For The Rest Of Your Lives.” And yes, that really is the name. Of their show. Without sentence fragments. I believe we may smile and perhaps even laugh until our nostrils fall out.
The most important thing is I will be with my Beautiful Girlfriend, and not at work.
On the other hand, I just ate a grape from Meijer that tasted like fish. I never knew they had fish grapes. Now I must try my hand at making fish raisins or maybe one of YOU could send me the recipe for fish wine. If I recall correctly, there are stories of a very famous person who could convert bread into water and fish into wine. So as you can see, fish wine is not a new concept.
However, regardless of how much fish wine you may care to produce, I will not be having any with your breaded water meal. I am a recovering fishaholic, so it might not be a very good idea for me to start drinking fish again. I’ll just have to enjoy the fish raisins, or maybe peanut butter and jellyfish sandwiches with a glass of dehydrated coconut milk. A nice cup of flavored air to wash it down… mmmm life is good.
How many moles does it take to get a jar of molasses?? Those poor moles, running around with no hineys. They are brave to sacrifice their booty just so we can have our jars of molasses. Not sure why we civilized people even allow jars of molasses to be sold in stores. I mean, do you ever see jars of mouseknees, cricketlips, or even seagullstomachs?? Nope. Just molasses.
Dinner for every day during this vacation will be pizza and Snickers bars. Freshly squeezed fish grapes will be served up as a nice hot beverage with a dollop of whipped crab juice on the side. No farmers will be harmed in this extravaganza. It’s very possible I need a vacation.
Please have a safe and odiferous working time. Are you on vacation? No, you are not.
ME, not YOU.
My eyes have suddenly turned into olives!!!
Conko De Bonko,
a.k.a. “Fossil Tongue Pete”
Someday maybe we will drive to Hawaii… but for now it’s just a dream.