Monthly Archives: June 2016

Panic In Detroit

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What do Todd Rundgren, Steve Lukather (from Toto), Greg Rolie (from Santana), Richard Page (Mr. Mister), and Gregg Bissonette have in common? They are all current members of Ringo Starr’s All Starr Band. And who cares about this?

WE DO!!

We’re old rockers, you see. Yes, we do have a rocker in our home and it’s a very nice chair; but that’s not the kind of rocking I’m talkin’ about here, you dig? Most everyone has heard of Ringo Starr of course. And many know who Todd Rundgren is. But to be honest I was pretty ignorant about the other guys. We’d seen Ringo and his All Starr Band back in 2003 with our kids and son in law. A great show… but the band has evolved into something very special. Not that it wasn’t special in 2003 mind you, but when we got our tickets for the show we saw last night in Detroit we had no idea what was in store for us.

You see, each “Star” performs some of their famous stuff. From what I’ve read, one of Ringo’s criteria for a band member is that they have to have at least 3 hit records. But additionally, they have to be willing to learn each others’ hits so they can rock the house.

And they did. It was simply amazing. An awesome treat in an awesome venue, the Fox Theater in Detroit. What wasn’t so amazing was getting there. It was only about a 3 hour drive from our house, but we stopped at our hotel in Canton first. I’m an old school driver guy… I go to Google Maps and print the route ahead of time. Then I study it, and commit most of it to memory. Works pretty well… so far. Just in case, I keep a very old reference book in the car at all times: a Rand McNally Road Atlas. Remember those? Well if you do, you’re probably old like me. And if you actually know how to read a map; well… you’re probably old like me (appears to be a dying skill these days).

Finally I also have my built-in GPS in the brand new, 2001 Chrysler Towne & Country Mini Van Thing. Yep, I can look up and it tells me whether I’m going north, south, east, or west. Even says fancy stuff like SE and NW!! Stuff like that there. Yes, I know… it’s not what most people would call a GPS. But as a dear friend of mine pointed out many moons ago, “it’s a General Pointing System!!”

Anyway. there we were, leaving the hotel, heading to 275 South. It’s part of the printed route you see. Only one problem: 275 South is closed for construction. Ah Michigan… two seasons: winter, and construction. OK… well my Beautiful Girlfriend used to live in the Detroit area. We’ve visited several times, and know basic things… like if you go too far east you’ll hit Canada. Stuff like that.

So we pull out the Road Atlas and use the GPS to get on our way. Working pretty well until we hit that horrible bane of all commuters: traffic jams. Yes not just one traffic jam. Many. Well OK maybe it was all one big traffic jam; I just don’t know. All I know is Thank God I know how to drive in cities although it makes me a bit jangly inside and my face grimaces with big harumph and OH YOU STINKER YOU TRIED TO REMOVE MY BUMPER and jeez lady don’t straddle the stinkin’ dividing line and what the HECK is this person passing me when there’s no more road there OH MY GOD we’re lost OK stop and ask directions OK thank you nice man here we go again OH POOP IT’S ONE WAY we have to cross the freeway and come around THANK YOU NICE OHIO PERSON FOR LETTING US IN LINE TO GET INTO THE PARKING PLACE wow that was a horrible thing for gentle people like us!!

Whew.

Once we got to the Fox Garage, it was just a short walk to the theater. Beautiful weather, beautiful people, beautiful music.

Simply beautiful… and OH MY you really must check out the theater. The following video doesn’t do it justice, but you get an idea. Oh, and I threw in a little David Bowie video just for the traffic happiness.

Peace and Love to you All!!

So here’s the Fox Theater:

And the title of this song describes some of our driving fun:

Life With A Bionic Woman

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I believe my wife is acquiring super powers. Either that or she has some secret agenda to be on this Earth way longer than me; I’m just not sure.

For example, this past February, she had a titanium knee installed. The doctor says it will last 20 to 30 years, and then she can get a new one. Titanium is very strong stuff, so it’s probably bullet proof. See where I’m going with this? I mean, I have my original knees. No titanium for me; just boring, brittle, calcium phosphate. Pretty darn sure they are *NOT * bullet proof. But at least the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk could make bread with them…

Feee! Foe! Fum! Fie!!

I smell the blood of a Norwegian guy.

Be he live or be he dead,

I’ll grind his bones to make my bread.

See what I mean? That giant dude won’t be grinding no stinkin’ titanium for his bread, now will he?? Unless, of course, he likes that nice metallic flavor in his mouth. Dunno about you, but I only get that when something really scares me; and it is not very delicious. So my Beautiful Bionic Girlfriend will be safe if there are ever any bone crunching giants roaming around.

OK.

So then, she goes to renew her driver’s license, right? It’s been awhile since her last eye exam; so first she goes to the eye doctor. She saw what I went through earlier this year. Like a dummy, I went to the drivers license house before having my eyes checked. I flunked the stinkin’ vision test. First time in my living life I ever needed actual prescription type glasses. I was bummed. The eye doctor told me that he could probably write me an excuse saying I passed the basic requirements (my eyes are not too bad… yet) but I said, “no, I’d rather play by the rules.” He smiled, and $320 later I had glasses that enabled me to pass the vision test.

OK.

So she calls me after her appointment, and I can tell by her tone that she’s rather annoyed. “The doctor says I have cadillacs,” she said. Well sheesh… she is obviously holding out on me (like with the Bionic Woman Knee thing) because all these years I thought she was driving a Toyota. Never heard of anyone having little cars in their eyes. “I’m going to need surgery,” she grumbled. “Right,” I’m thinking to myself. “More Bionic Woman stuff. First it’s the knee, now she’s having her optic luxury cars replaced.”

I remember gazing into her beautiful eyes when we were first dating, and I noticed a tiny spot on her left pupil. “You have a hole in your eye,” I used to say, just to tease her a bit. Well now I know what that was all about, don’t I?? She’s been enjoying micro-miniature luxury cars in there without my knowledge!! Must be they are convertibles. Probably what the eyelids are all about.

Well, I need to be less afraid of all this Bionic Woman stuff and be grateful that we have the medical technology to keep my Beautiful Honey Pie well. As for me, I don’t have any replacement parts yet. However, I’m pretty good with a soldering iron; and I have some power tools in the garage I can use for experiments.

Some day.

Maybe.

OK.

So I’m not sure what’s going on with these eyeball automobiles.  But when I went hunting for a “crazy car cartoon” I found this: