As the years whiz by, my relationship with inanimate objects continues to evolve. I remember when I approached adulthood, questions were tossed back and forth between me and my friends about what material success might look like. When asked, my answer was formulated pretty quickly: “the only wants I have are the love of a beautiful woman, a house on enough land to grow some food, and a kick-ass stereo.” My wants have long been fulfilled; so there’s really nothing I want.

So… if my wants have been fulfilled, there’s no need to have more, right? Sounds like a nice theory. In practice, though, some objects seem to have magically come home with me from various stores. Things like tools, car parts, jars, screws, nuts, washers, toasters, microwave ovens, TVs… you know, STUFF. And yes I’ll admit it, we have TOO MUCH STUFF.

Sheesh!!

What started out as a nicety of having disposable income has become a menagerie of clutter. I probably have just about everything I need to do home fix-it projects; but whenever I go to repair something, I can’t find the stuff I need. And that’s not because I don’t have it, because I probably do. I just can’t find it. So what do I do? After a lengthy dissertation about what I need; followed by various nasty words grumbled as I turn junk filled shelves inside out, I go to the store and buy what I needed. Then of course I put the new stuff down, go back to use it, but can’t find it for an hour or so.

More nasty words.

I’ll pick up a drill, pull the trigger… nothing. No worky. Change the battery, still nothing. Then I speak to the drill: “doggone it!! What’s the matter with you?? You worked fine when I put you away a few months ago!!” Tried to fix it but no go. Off to buy a new one (and yes, I still have the old one; and am not sure why). So now my relationship with objects is shifting to one sided conversation. They never answer me, and that of course is a very good thing.

Although I had a pretty good career in IT, my technology mantra became: “I hate computers!” When they refuse to do my bidding, I still utter that today. I’ve been known to issue computers verbal commands while trying to figure out something weird. I’ll gaze at the screen while typing, then say something like, “listen you stupid thing… don’t you know I’m sick of this??” And of course I receive no answer. Although I’m retired, I still utter the “I hate computers” mantra; and now I’ve opened the scope so it applies to anything that resembles a device.

Too much stuff, too much stuff, too much stuff. Stuff has become so ingrained in my daily life, that I sometimes go into a trance while transporting an object from point A to point B. Example: I made a nice but simple breakfast for my Beautiful Girlfriend. Eggs over easy, some orange juice, toast, and a little fruit on the side. I go to put the toaster away and the trance begins; then I realize I’m trying to put the toaster in the microwave. Doesn’t fit! Doesn’t go there!! Then I laugh at myself and wonder if my brain is failing. I felt better when my Lovely Honey Pie took a turn with the toaster a week or so later and wanted to put it away in the fridge.

Am I possessed by my possessions?? I’m starting to think so! It’s a conspiracy I tell ya!! My stuff is out to get me!!