Clumsiness Is Next To Oldliness

Yes I am aware there is no such word as “oldliness,” but guess what, I typed it into the title anyway whether you like it or not. So there. As some of you may have surmised, I am playing with that old 18th century saying, “cleanliness is next to godliness.” That’s because although I’m pretty good at staying clean, but it seems as I get older I’m becoming annoyingly clumsy.

Getting older… GACK!! What a pain in the hiney. And often literally!! Seems like every time I do a day’s work at the wood pile or in the garden, I can feel really good about what I’ve accomplished, but not so good about the fact that every joint in my body is yelling “ouch!!” at me. Mind you, I am indeed old enough to remember when The Beatles came to the U.S. on the Mayflower (I was not quite 10 when they landed in 1964… that tell you anything??). Nice thing is that I’m still in good enough shape to do pretty much everything. Sometimes it takes longer, and as I mentioned earlier all my body parts seem to enjoy screaming at me when I’m done.

Another “fun” thing about getting older, at least for me, is I seem to be getting clumsier. I get great “enjoyment” out of smacking my little toe on furniture a couple times a month. I’m surprised it’s not jutting out at a right angle from my foot!! Seems to happen most in the evening… could it possibly be due to low light levels at that time of day? Gee… maybe I should carry a flashlight to go to the bathroom or something. Nah…

On the other hand, you have the pepper grinder. Anyone else prefer their pepper freshly ground? My Beautiful Girlfriend and I are still using the same salt shaker / pepper grinder set we got for our first wedding anniversary. Is that cool or what? Of course, once you fill these, they eventually run out (duh). So this evening I had the pleasant experience of losing my grip on the jar of peppercorns when trying to fill the grinder. Did you know peppercorns can really travel?? I’m serious!! And once they get rolling, they do not travel together!! Very independent little rascals. I spent several minutes chasing down peppercorns. I know, they were not moving any longer, but it sure felt like I was chasing them anyway. Then of course when I figure I’m all done, out of the corner of my eye I see yet another peppercorn!!! Oy yoy yoy…

Now let’s visit the coffee pot. The old reliable, automatic Kitchenaid jobby with the wire basket for the grinds. No more coffee filters for us kids, ya know. I set the timer for the crack of noon (OK maybe a bit earlier) (I’m retired ya know) (there he goes with the parentheses again…), then get ready to fill the basket with fresh coffee. So there I was, minding my own business, with the first scoop of grinds, and HOLY CARP WHAT THE FLARN I TOUCHED THE RIM AND BONKED THE SCOOP AND NOW THE GRINDS ARE EVERYWHERE OH MAN THIS IS ANNOYING!!! Clean up time. Very nice indeed.

Have I mentioned that another cool thing about getting older?? My skin is now only 0.007 millimeters thick!! I mean sheesh!! All I have to do is walk past a rose bush and I have gashes all over me!! Not sure I even touched the darn thing!! Oh and I have these wire fence thingies in the garden I use to train my tomato vines. They have little stabby sticky-out parts that can really make me bleed if I brush against them. Oh and speaking of tomato vines, I had to replace one plant already because I accidentally stepped on its head and made it (and me) very sad.

So, for this boy, oldliness seems to be arriving with a little extra clumsiness. Hey I was probably clumsy like this my whole life. But now that I’m nearing the age of OLD PEOPLE, it just seems like all these delightful distractions are wasting precious time. Oh well. I know I’m not alone in this. Friends of mine talk about the same things. They say things like, “I hate this getting old business!!” And you know what I tell them??

I try to reassure them and say, “I like it better than not getting old!!”

Speaking of clumsy….