So there I was, minding my own business, 640 feet above sea level (well OK maybe a little more because my office is on the second floor of our house), surfing the interwebs, when suddenly I got a notification that my computer needed some Microsoft updates, but I was a bit leery of this phenomenon because my computer is rather old and I’ve had loads of enjoyment with similar scenarios but I figured “Oh well, hopefully it will be OK;” so I applied the updates well before I wrote this run-on sentence.
Did I mention that I was a bit leery about this? Did I mention I have an old computer? Did I mention that my printer is old also? No, I did not mention the old printer. Did I mention that the computer and printer worked fine for a very long time with no issues? No, I didn’t mention that; but guess what happened after I applied these marvelous Windows 10 updates? My printer is don’t working. All my icons are karploofenated. The weather, Microsoft Edge, and other crap I never wanted appeared on my desktop. My audio is also don’t working. I am not pleased. I am actually rather disgusted. So annoyed was I, all this fun caused me to repeat one of my favorite sayings that I often uttered during my tenure as a factory floor IT support guy: I hate computers.
I’ve been retired for a little over 2 years now, but I used that silly mantra so often during my work times that it spilled over into situations that often were not at all related to technology. For example, if I drop an egg on the floor, I’ll exclaim, “FLARN!! I HATE COMPUTERS!!” My wife will ask me what’s wrong, and when I explain that I broke an egg on the floor she just chuckles a bit and shakes her head. Let me be clear though, I only hate computers when they are being naughty. And I especially dislike them when an update comes to visit and makes “improvements” that render my devices useless.
Tried to restore the system twice times. No good. Then tried reinstalling drivers. Still no good. At least the network stuff still worked so I could dance around the interwebs looking for a solution to all this happy flangelboofen. Tried this, that, and the other thing. Still no printing, no audio. Revisited the “Recovery” option in control panel. No more chances for system restore, but a magical statement appeared: “If you’re having problems with your PC, go to settings, and try resetting it.” Well I sure didn’t want to lose any data, but I remembered I did a backup not too long ago. I reluctantly clicked the link, and was able to return my computer to a previous version. In other words, I got the option to bring Windows back to what it was before the stupid updates.
HOLY MOLY!! AUDIO WORKS NOW!! OK… let’s try to print. Nope!! Oy yoy yoy. Back to researching on the webbernets. Uninstalled, reinstalled the printer about 8 times. No worky. Not a darn thing wrong with the printer… it’s just old. More searching… found that I had to “fool” the computer into talking to the printer by saying it is a “USB Composite Device.” Then… holy flerking schnitt… the printer is working!! I made a little document about how to perform this little trick and saved it in the folder with the drivers. For good measure, I went into the bowels of the computer and disabled the automatic updates. That’ll show those Microsoft weenies!! Well no, it won’t, but it will hopefully preserve some of my sanity.
Have I mentioned that I hate computers?? Well OK, I’m not in computer hating mode right now because everything works. But hey, why can’t these Microsoft noodleheads leave well enough alone?? Ya know what I mean?? I bought this computer as a refurb with a one year warranty. Retailed for about $2000 when it was new, I paid $250 for it a couple years after it was released. Now it’s approaching 12 years old, but it works like a charm. And the printer is about the same age… and yes, it also works very well. Seems we could save the planet by making things last; but NOOOO… the manufacturers want us to keep buying the latest and greatest junk so the older, still working wonderfully junk can go into the landfill. This philosophy makes me to barf on the ground.
Oh well, lesson learned. No more automatic updates for this guy. Not with an old computer… that’s bad juju. Cortana can smell my toes, whoever she is. And I don’t need Edge, thank you very much. Bing also makes me to barf on the ground. None of these are present after all the tweaking I did to get this machine back to “normal.” No, I’m just very grateful I have the skills to resurrect an old computer after Microsoft tried to take it away from me. And yes, I will likely continue to grumble when just about anything goes wrong, technical or no, and blurt out my work mantra.
I hate computers.
I bet Charlie Chaplin would have hated computers too… this is one of my favorite scenes from the movie “Modern Times.”
This has nothing to do with computers, but it’s one of my favorite Three Stooges shorts. I have no idea how they came up with the title, but anyway…