If I Were King

Can we call a do-over for the election please? Seems like both sides settled for some seriously flawed nominees. Hillary was immensely qualified; but there was that pretty big e-mail thing; and yeah some other trust things. Also, try as she might; she didn’t connect very well with all the frustrated folks in the so-called “rust belt” and elsewhere. Then of course you have Mr. Trump… who is… um… well… Mr. Trump.

All kinds of emotions played in my noggin during all of this; and none of them were very happy; especially when Bernie lost the primaries. I am, however, very grateful that both candidates assumed their new roles pretty gracefully and even humbly. Hillary gave a whopper of a concession speech; and Mr. Trump spoke more humbly than most of us have ever heard before. Whether our nation can heal effectively depends on what happens next; and I truly hope we can all pull together to make that happen.

Anybody listening? I truly hope we can all pull together. Lots of protesting in the streets these days by disillusioned citizens. While I agree with many of their sentiments, I can’t help but ask, “where was youse kids before the election??”

So, enough about all that (for now). This is supposed to be another installment of “Happy Friday!!!” and I’m gonna try to make it something that will produce a smile or two. Therefore and to-wit (that’s legal talk), I’ve decided to appoint myself King for a Day. Tomorrow, you can be King. Unless of course you’d rather be Queen; in which case you are probably much more powerful than a King because of all the cool moves you can make on the chess board. So the next day someone else can be in charge, and it will be a rotating kind of thing. Kings and Queens, Princes and Dukes; run around in circles till everyone pukes.

Now of course it’s time to steal some lyrics from a Three Dog Night Song:

If I was the King Of The World,

I’d tell you what I’d do.

I’d throw away the cars and the bars and the war

And make sweet love to you.”

Perhaps I wouldn’t make love to you; because I don’t even know you. Besides, my Beautiful Girlfriend allowed me to be her lover for many years; and I don’t want to mess that up you see. She’s my One and Only. I don’t care how much candy you have in your glove box or how much pickled herring you “accidentally” left in my fridge; my lovin’s are reserved for my Honey Pie and nobody else. Get it? OK, cool. Yes, I’ll give you hugs and love you unconditionally. Just not in a married kind of way. Am I making myself clear? Do you get where I’m coming from?? Do you know who this is?? Do you know who you’re tawkin’ to???

OooK… sorry I got sidetracked. Alright… make-a-believe I’m King of the World. First order of business: everybody has to be nice to each other. NOW!! Don’t make me say this again!! Do I have to stop this car?? Do you want to go in the corner?? Whatsa matta wichyoo?? Anyhow??

Sheesh. Just be nice awreddy.

Second order of business: this home we call Earth is getting pretty doggoned dirty with human garbagey pollutiony thingies. Poisons! Broken stuff! Single use plastics!! Oy yoy yoy!! Time to clean up or no more play time!! You see these toys you like so much? Huh?? You wanna play with them ever again?? Well you better listen up and clean your room!! And yes, by your room, I mean Earth!!

That’s a pretty big room…

Third order of business: BE NICE TO EACH OTHER!! Oh wait… I said that awreddy. Well I’m sorry… but youse kids have me all fired up here and now you got me tawkin’ like I’m still livin’ on Long Island.

Fourth (and last) (for today) (I think) order of business: keep a close eye on all these elected official Bozos (and Bozettes). Remember that silly statement, “government of the people, by the people, and for the people?” That means us… it’s our responsibility to make things right. The people we voted for are merely representatives; and we need to keep them accountable. Sure that takes time and effort; but if we don’t do that we’re letting the foxes guard the henhouse.

Ooops!! One more order of business (then I’ll let someone else be King) (or Queen): one of the strongest, most effective votes we have is how we spend our money. Buy locally, think globally. Pay attention to where your food comes from and how it was produced. Give the locals first chance at your dollars. We need to support each other!

Now is the time for the extra long sentence which I forgot to include in many previous “Happy Friday!!!” installments because I was either too cribbly boo or perhaps too forgetful to remember (oldtimer’s disease?) that such sentences often bring joy to those who like to see grammar mangled into a small moldy piece of cheesecake in the bottom left corner of the refrigerator; which of course reminds me of the fact that although I know how to pretend to spout off orders as if I were King, I don’t know anything; I never did know anything; but now I know I don’t know anything. I used to think I knew lots of stuff; but that was before I got learnified via the pains of growing older and wider (<— not a spelling goof there) and realized that the more I learn the less I know.

Knowing that I don’t really know much makes me wonder if I’m now qualified to run for office.

NO!! I just wanna be King!!