Category Archives: Happy Friday!!!

My New Year’s Ruminations For 2023

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Greetings to all on this almost the last day of 2022. I hope you all had a safe and happy holiday universe these past several week months. Many of us have endured hardships and loss, but I submit that anyone reading this is a very blessed person. For why I am say this, I am ask with terrible grammar?? Because hey, if you are reading this, that means you are able to access the interwebs, AND you have a device that allows you to open silly web pages such as this one. Therefore and two wits, you are much more fortunate than many humans on this globe we call Earth.

Me too.

So hey, if we are blessed, then we also have room for improvement, right? Well I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’m very sure that there’s lots of stuff I could probably do better. It is in this spirit of improvement, therefore, that I submit to you the following list of revulsions I either do or do not intend to embrace as methods of improvements for the New Year.

OK, here we go…

1, I hereby promise that I will write shorter sentences when I am trying to express myself with written words on a screen, on paper, or even on the sidewalk, because I’ve noticed that if I write sentences that are too long then people have difficulty controlling their breathing while reading them aloud to their children or even their pets; and hey, who knows, they may even want to read something to their toasters or perhaps even a passing praying mantis who has absolutely no concept of English or any other foreign language, much less be willing to be bored by a run-on sentence which obviously this has become.

So there.

L! I will do my best to improve the appearance of my garbage and recycling. Perhaps I could arrange the recycling in complex yet attractive geometric patterns; and in regard to garbage, well it’s just trash so the heck with it… it can just sit there like the garbage it is. I mean, who’s gonna care really?? Oh… you gonna call the Gobbich Police?? Well fooey on you, by golly dere!

9? Remember all those times I talked about losing weight? Well of course you don’t, you weren’t there!! So if you don’t remember, well just forget about it!! And even if you were there, just forget it also too in addition even!! Do you know how hard it is to keep weight off when you love to eat??? I mean c’mon awreddy!! Whatcha gonna do?? Call the Gobbich Police?? Oh wait… that was from before. Never mind, please.

Y* It’s possible that I sometimes am silly. Well this coming year, I hereby promise to continue to be silly. I’ll try a little harder not to be silly at inappropriate times. For example, it may not be appropriate to put my fingers in the meatballs at a potluck and use the gravy to accent my eyebrows. No, that would only be OK if the meatballs were really good and you want to make sure nobody else will go for them.

q7$ I will refrain from writing nonsense. Maybe. I’m not sure. Perhaps I could just send nonsensical text messages to loved ones. I have been known to send notes like: “I’m searching for bandersnag seeds so I can make yummy casseroles to sell online. So:  if you know anyone who remembers Johnny Wumpo And The Fleebs, please keep it to yourself. Thank you.” Or perhaps a silly poem… something like:

Gravy

Gravy in my armpits, syrup on my knees,

buckets full of macaroni hanging from the trees. 

Images of all these things will stick inside my head. 

Hope I have a different dream when I go back to bed.

Oh heck, who am I kidding?? I love to write nonsense. Please erase item q7$.

But seriously folk, invariably someone will ask me if I have any New Year’s resolutions. I’ve had the same resolution, yes, just one, for several years now: Try to do better.

So I will.

I sincerely hope 2023 brings all of you good fortune and good health. And if you can’t have those, I will keep you in my prayers. But hey, I was gonna do that anyway.

Peace, Love, and Hugs,

Kenny

Und now for ze video addition zings… und I haff no idea vie I am trying to write in a strange accent.

Here’s one for my friend Kurt… hope all of you will like it too.

The Blizzard Of 2022

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So there I was, waking up at the crack of 9:30 AM, because I’m retired and that’s what happens when there’s no BEEEP BEEEP BEEP of the alarm clock yelling at my ears, although I did actually get my hiney out the door the other day at the terrible hour of 7 AM because a friend needed some help; but that’s not normal and I really enjoy sleeping in now that I don’t have to work for “the man” anymore and of course now I’m in the process of truly believing that this run-on sentence has gone far enough, thank you very much.

Yes.

One nice thing about being retired is I have much more time to do frivolous things like prepare for a storm. We heat with firewood, so I was able to get plenty of sticks in the house this past Tuesday and Wednesday. There is a relatively new gas furnace we could use, but wood heat warms the bones much more nicely in our professional opinion. I also did something really silly: I unearthed the snowblower and made sure it actually works. Is that crazy or what?? The thing was buried… no not in the ground!! I mean, hey, I have no resentment that would be strong enough prompt me to bury our poor 1996 vintage Ariens snowblower. At least not in the dirt. No, this machine was used as a catch-all storage appliance for a partial roll of chicken wire, some carpet scraps, some empty bird feed bags, my brand new windshield wipers (still in the packages) and anything else I just wanted to plop down; all of course with the promise that “I’ll take care of that soon.” And guess what?? I took care of all the bric-a-brac and even swept the garage floor!! Then I filled the snow flinger with rocket fuel (our pet name for 92 octane, no ethanol gas), checked the oil, plugged in the cord for electric start, and VOILA!! It fired right up, and even works like a piece of pickled radio sausage in a psychedelic cabbage patch (with onions).

Maybe even better!!

Oh, and remember those brand new windshield wipers that were still in the packages?? Yeah, I bought those last spring… and hey, it’s really weird, but they made a big difference!! I can actually see through the windshield more gooder now!! Isn’t science wonderful??

Unless you live in a cave, you’re probably being inundated with reports of a “bomb cyclone” that’s attacking much of the country. Well back in the day, if something was “the bomb” it meant it was like really far out, really cool man. Like, totally. Well excuse me, but I see nothing “bomb” about this “bomb cyclone.” It’s a cyclone of sorts alright… I see the snow whirling about and piling up, a little over a foot so far by the looks of it. More on the way (Moron?? Who you callin’ moron??). Low temperature was 5.5° last night. That’s chilly… but still tropical compared to the subzero temperatures my relatives are enjoying in Wisconsin. Haven’t fired up the snowblower today because, hey, I’m retired! And my Beautiful Honey Pie doesn’t work till Sunday! So I’ll wriggle into my old Carhartt snow suit and brave the cold… tomorrow afternoon. The old Carhartt has served me well for over 20 years. Not sure how long ago I bought it… but it is really nice for this kind of weather. But when I say I’ll wriggle into it… I do mean wriggle. The guy who bought this thing originally was a bit slimmer than the guy who’s gonna wear it tomorrow.

I really like food.

So go ahead, Old Man Winter. We are ready for you here in Bear Swamp. From what I’ve seen so far, it ain’t nothin’ like The Blizzard of 1978. We had a blast that year, literally. If you didn’t have a snowmobile, you weren’t going anywhere. Nowhere near that bad outside this time. We had grandiose plans of spending the night of the 23rd and waking up Christmas Eve morning to play Santa with our daughter, son-in-law, and grandsons. In olden days, I would have thought that my excellent driving skills would make a mockery of the “Please don’t drive unless absolutely necessary” warnings. Fast forward to today when a) we are a little bit wiser, and 12) we are very aware that we are just plain too young to die. Thankfully we are being safe and staying home.

Well that’s enough out of me for today. Oh wait!! I would like to wish you all a Very Happy Merry, and a Truly Joyful Wonderful. Here’s hoping your Holidays find you happy, safe, and warm. There’s nobody like you, and I thank you for being who you are. And as I’ve often… well never really often, but sometimes have written: It’s better to be you than for you to be me, and although you can count to it, eight is a word.

Peace, Love, and Hugs to you ALL!!

So how about some seasonal cartoon stuff, eh? Ya shoor, youbetcha by golly dere.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOIkxCh0y0U

An Open Letter Pleading That You Beware Of The Crazy Winter Driver

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Dear Ladles and Jellyspoons,

I have come to the conclusion that snow induces seizures in many automobile drivers. This I am knowing because of the spastic manner in which people navigate their jalopy zoomers as soon as the weather changes. Now the reader must appreciate the sheer folly of this, because we live in Michigan and snow is not exactly a foreign substance here. It comes to visit us every single year, and every single year many snow belt residents seem to lose all their winter driving skills and commence to having seizures behind the wheel just as soon as the snow arrives.

Of course, these seizures are self induced, a direct result of drivers only looking as far as the end of their noses while assessing traffic situations. This is coupled with the idiocy factor, which seems to compel people to navigate their street rods as if they are the only person on the road. The end result is truly dangerous behavior that becomes very unsafe for them and all who might be around them. Of course, the idiocy factor is present all year long. Then the weather changes. Autumn brings rain, and as autumn slides into winter, the rain begins to freeze and then VOILA!! Snow. What a shocker, huh? Ya right… this is very normal for Michigan and all the rest of the Snow Belt.

So you have all these clam-headed tringlenorks behind the wheel who drive as if they have absolutely no clue about a simple yet amazing concept: snow and ice make the road slippery!!! Now who would ever have imagined such nonsense?? Well it’s true!! And hey, you know all those road hogs who think they will never get where they are going unless they go 98.36 mph?? Well they seem eager to zoom around even when it’s winter outside. Consequently, we see many of them in the ditch; or even worse, they get to enjoy testing the structural integrity of their car by doing a nice rollover or two. Today we were heading home from Grand Rapids and some poor soul decided to park their truck face first in a rather deep ditch.  Hopefully nobody was hurt.

It’s rather scary at times. I do my best to avoid getting stuck in a chain of cars. That’s a pile-up waiting to happen. So I keep my distance and keep the speed at a safe level. Then comes Mr. or Ms. HineyHugger. I’m sure what appears to be going through their minds is: “Oh, now that the snow has arrived, I must try to lick your bumper with my hood ornament at every possible opportunity.” This appears to be the mantra of tailgaters; who very soon enjoy crying and rolling in the ditch when the person in front of them has to hit the brakes. And all too many hit the brakes because of something like: “Holy Mackerel I Can’t See With All This Blowing Snow!! Oh Gosh There’s A Deer Or Maybe Not!! Who Just Sent Me A Text Message?? Where Is The Rest Of My Breakfast Burrito??!!” Suddenly they are sliding wildly; which increases their enjoyment of the wintry drive. They are especially happy after learning the effect that saplings have on the underside of their car. Unfortunately, however, these yo-yos not only might suffer injury, but also may drag other unwilling participants into the ditch party.

So I would like to close with a plea: Please, no matter where you are, drive safely to and from your home and / or your non-home universe; especially if you live in an area that enjoys seasonally frozen precipitation (not to be confused with seasoned waffle fries) and misinformed people who think they are excellent drivers but are actually eels in a small bowl of Jell-O with a nice lint frosting which is complemented by a run-on sentence just like this one.

You will know the eel-people by their affinity for car hiney hugging. Let them pass so they can enjoy their ditch races. It’s ironically wonderful when they are hopelessly stuck and try to drive out anyhow. Oh yes, they do enjoy the drilling of their tires into the muck so the wrecker has to bend its winches when trying to remove them from their itchy ditchy playgrounds.

Also, please PLEASE PLEASE never fight with other drivers!! ROAD RAGE KILLS. It also makes dead people out of living ones. There are people on the planet who will actually use their car for a weapon! And still others who keep loaded weapons in their cars!  Please be careful!

OK, enough of my venting. ‘Tis the season to be jolly, and lots of people are bringing wonderful things for the taste flavors of your face and mouth parts. Please enjoy your everything and especially that nice treat that Auntie Whosamajigger brought for Holiday Face Stuffing Day. I like to rub cookies on my belly. Very good enjoyment, I’ll say.

Above all, be kind to everyone you meet. Even the wacko driver ninnies.

Perhaps some of us could get out of our cars and meet at the skating pond…

Three Cheers For The Landline!!

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Please take a moment and raise your glass of cheesewater in a toast to our landline. “One, Two, Three, Hurray!!” Thank you. Hey… remember landlines? You know, non-cellular telephones that work even when the power is out? Those who know me understand that even though I’m a retired computer / electronics boy, I’m still living in the stone age when it comes to my “toys.” We still use an antenna for lots of our TV. Never had cable… never will. My computer is 12 years old and works great. My stereo (remember stereos??) is 20 years old and is also in fine shape. And yes, we still have a landline.

Well let me rephrase: we kept our landline number; which is in our house via a wireless base courtesy of Consumer Cellular. It connects to our old portable phones with the accompanying answering machine, and instead of shelling out $54 a month, we have the “landline” number active for a mere $14.75 a month. Initially, we figured we would keep the number because many people have it memorized; and we didn’t want to make them sad when they tried to call us. But we also received a surprise bonus: because we give online vendors the landline number, all the telemarketer calls go there. Well 99% of them do anyway. The wireless base would barf if we lost power, but it does a fine job screening calls for us in the meantime.

Those who know me are aware a tradition at our house is to have a very silly greeting on the answering machine. The current greeting, for example, goes thusly: “It’s nearly winter outside, I hope your nostrils are ready for the cold weather!! Leave a message after the tone… OK fine!” Sometimes I use a very thick accent to utter silly things. Bottom line is, those who know us will leave a message in spite of the silliness. Those who don’t know us are sometimes annoyed by the silly greeting, so as far as I’m concerned those folks can go bite large pieces of broken concrete. We do have caller ID on those old portables, so if we don’t recognize the number we simply don’t answer the phone.

Our cellphones are relatively spam free. However, occasionally I get some interesting texts from scammers trying to pose as legitimate businesses. These are in broken or poor English, and I actually get a kick out of reading them. Like this one for example:

[Information} We have to canceled your membership account on Netflix. To using your account as normally, you need to update your billing address. Click link below to update your account: http://whataloadofcrapandifyoureallybelievethisisNetflixyouaredummerthandirt.us.netflix.youbet

Best Regards,

Netflix, Inc.

Of course I did not transcribe the link as it appeared on my phone… I don’t want to harm anyone. Hopefully all of you are aware that if you get something lame like this, never never never NEVER click on the link. That’s how identity thieves and credit card fraudsters do their dirty deeds. I’m pretty sure scammers do what they do because they have nonfunctional and / or tiny reproductive organs. Every once in a while, I will actually pick up a call from a scammer just for the fun of it. Instead of giving them any of my information, I ask how the weather is or how their family is doing. I try to keep them on the phone for a bit… they are graded on how long they are on the phone to make a sale. And if they are on the phone for extra time with no sale, well that’s no good for them.

I’ve had times when “Microsoft” called to tell me that my “Windows certificate is about to expire” and my computer will quit working. Sadly, friends of mine have fallen for the “hey we’re Microsoft” scam. Let’s be clear: Microsoft will never call you about your computer. At least, not unless you are an IT professional and have a case open with them. So when “Microsoft” calls, I plead with the caller’s sense of morality. “Hey,” I ask,”isn’t there some honest work you can find with the talents you have??” And the response of course is… * click!! *

Well OK folks… gotta go. Amazon has called the “landline” number about a fraudulent order I supposedly placed. I have to press 1 to speak with a representative. Oh, and there’s a problem with my Social Security Account!! Oh God!! Oh God!! Oh holy crap my Medicare is all messed up too!!! Yaiiiyeee!!! Umm… OK yes I really do get calls like these; but no, they don’t get to talk to me. Instead, they are asked whether their nostrils are ready for cold weather.

Three cheers for the landline!!

For the video… are you ready for telephones with DIALS??

How about a nice extension phone??

Or perhaps you’d like to go mobile??

This one has a classic scene of the Three Stooges answering the phone. A lot of slapstick so that if that’s not your thing, feel free to pass it by.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_XNG6Iam-U

My Holiday Requirements for 2022

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Hello my dear readers!

As we approach the Holiday season, many of you are scrambling to get gifts and goodies for your loved ones. Although inflation is making the gift giving bills sting a little this year, many of us are blessed with the ability to splurge anyhow. Please allow me to take this opportunity to wish you the very best shopping adventures, and of course, a safe and happy Holiday Season.

If you have been reading this silly blog for any length of time, perhaps you’re aware that this is the time of year when I jump on top of a large electronic milk crate to remind all of you that although you’re probably feeling some price pain this year, I feel it important to urge you to remember that I have some annual Holiday Requirements that are enumerated in “Happy Friday!!!” around this time on the calendar; and I must also interject that if you are not willing to fulfill my desires for material comfort I will of course be forced to continue this run-on sentence while wondering whether your cat ate any tinsel or perhaps your dog may have licked that ham that was on the platter just before guests arrived.

Gesundheit.

So without any further falderal, herewith I place my list of Holiday Requirements for 2022, which I’m sure all of you are eager to memorize to promote more efficient shopping.

1. I wish to obtain at least 12 winning Powerball tickets. One would be OK I guess, but if I’m going to have any chance of influencing global politics I will require at least 12. You may mail these to me… but if you choose to deliver in person I will gladly treat you to some of my famous grapefruit pie with a nice dollop of dingleberry ice cream placed somewhere near the plate.

N. I’m gonna need a Clutter Bomb Fallout Removal Tool (CBFRT… pronounced CABfart). Some jerk touched off a clutter-bomb in my garage, and there’s junk lying all over the place!! I mean ALL over… stuffed in the shelves, on top of the work bench… I think I still have an air cleaner for that old 1995 Plymouth Voyager!! Oh, and it’s still in the box in mint condition. It can be yours for a mere $297.14

9* Please bring delicious chocolate things. I mean unique stuff like those amazing chocolate earbuds nobody sells anymore. Those were delicious… but I’ll have to say the flavor is less wonderful once they’ve been coated with earwax a few times. Oh and not to forget those old fashioned chocolate covered pencils we never had in study hall. It was so much fun to watch bullies steal them and then take a big crunchy bite. I think you can still get those earbuds and pencils at Cracker Barrel.

7K. AAAaaahhCHOOO!!! Oh crap!! Hey, don’t sneeze with a mouthful of hot chocolate. After I get done cleaning my screen I’ll work on adding to my list of requirements. Oh GACK!! The marshmallows look like weird boogers!!! Gross!!

8X. Oh wow, they have some really cool Lego sets now, don’t they?? Star Wars, Lego Spider Man stuff, even a Lego City Train Station. Well I don’t want any of those. Instead, please let’s focus on the chocolate again please. Chocolate covered braunschweiger would be amazing, as would chocolate chip bologna I’m pretty sure. How about a nice box of chocolate celery brownie mix!! I love those combination packages. I open the box, flush the celery down the toilet, and stick my tongue in the brownie mix. This behavior really impresses my Beautiful Girlfriend. How do I know this?? Because when she saw me last time, she shouted, “Oh, Kenny!!” I was so surprised I sneezed and had to clean my screen again.

BQ. I need a gift certificate for some new hair seeds. You see, for the past… I dunno… 20 years maybe… some of my hair has been turning grey, and some has been turning loose. In other words, my mop is a bit sparse on top. I saw this cool thing on TV… not sure what the product was but they had this nice song: “Ch-ch-ch-CHIA!!” and they showed this cool thing where you spread seeds on a surface and VOILA!! Growth!! The one on TV shows plants but of course I would like the hair kind please.

Thank you.

So those are my Holiday Requirements for 2022. If you don’t have any willingness to comply with my urgent demands, well, I guess I’ll just let you know that I love you anyways. Whether you like it or not.

My real wish list is very simple… all I want for the Holidays is Peace, Love, and Harmony for all living things. Small request, right? Well of course I know I’m a bit idealistic to request anything like that; but I do pray for those very things pretty regularly. As I grow older, my other prayers have become pretty simple: I say “Thank You,” every day, I pray for the well being of others (but I let go of the results), and I ask for the ability to do the next right thing. I’ve learned (often the hard way) that I can’t change people, places, or things. All I can do is change how I react. I try my best to react with love whenever possible. You know, don’t sweat the small stuff; and of course everything is small stuff. I’m really hoping that more and more people will learn that LOVE is the answer. And of course we must get better at showing our love toward Mother Nature. After all, if we continue to injure Mother Nature, there will be no US.

May you all have a wonderful Holiday Season… cling to those you love and grieve the loss of those who have passed. Peace, Love, and Hugs to all of you.

And now, as was often said on Monty Python, for something completely different.

Thank You God For Everything

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Here we go again, the holiday season is upon us. In the U.S. we start the ball rolling with Thanksgiving and continue on through Hanukah, Christmas, and Kwanzaa. Lots of celebration and material giving, lots of TV commercials, lots of crazy sales, lots of parties.

Personally, I find all this commercial everything just as distasteful as the political ads that lead up to election day. Now that I’m an old dinosaur 1960s hippie peacenik tree hugger geezer dude, the holidays mean a whole lot less about all the stuff and a whole lot more about all the people I carry with me in my heart, both here and on the Other Side.

I’ve finally made it to the point where I can delight in the good times of childhood and let the not-so-good times fade away. Although it took me way to long to understand, I get it now: our parents did the best they could with us kids. They did the best they knew how. I can honestly believe that today and miss them with love rather than hold on to resentments. Of course, I’m a spoiled American so I do indulge in the material gift giving. But as time marches on I find myself getting increasingly gooshy about how fortunate I am.

That’s right, I said it, SPOILED AMERICAN. That’s me. I have plenty to eat; a job, a home, family and friends who love me, even cars that work. When I focus on those areas I become very aware that I’m rich beyond measure really.

So this time of year I find myself saying Thanks to God, whoever THEY are. A good friend of mine once gave me a bumper sticker that read: “God is too big to fit in any one religion.” Well amen to that. When you look at the similarities in all the various faiths; it becomes increasingly apparent that we’re all praying to the same Divine Spirit.

Yes, I truly am an old dinosaur 1960s hippie peacenik tree hugger geezer dude. I “keep the faith” that we humans will eventually get our act together to wage peace rather than war, and harmonize with Mother Earth rather than rape her. I pray for these things often, and as one of my favorite people often sang, “You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.”

Here’s wishing all of my friends and loved ones a Happy Thanksgiving. I hope we can all take a moment to help those less fortunate than we are. Speaking for myself, I know that this Spoiled American could donate a lot more. Every little bit helps. Maybe put an extra buck in the Salvation Army kettle so the bell ringer can have something to do besides watch people walk past. Or maybe donate to the Red Cross. The opportunities are pretty much endless and the need is great.

Above all, don’t give up. Try to be happy, it’s what God wants for all of us. Work, pray, and vote for peace, love and a healthy planet. Embrace the Golden Rule. It’s never too late. Persistence will pay off, I believe this with every fiber of my being. And for those of you who think maybe I’m Somewhere In Dream Land; well I’ll just keep praying for youse, too.

Purple Soup And Other Delicious Items

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Once upon a time, in a garden approximately 100 feet from where my hiney is sitting, there was a garden that’s still there and food was planted for eating, both human and animal. Wait… just to reassure you, I do not plant humans or animals!! Also, the animals did not eat the humans; but we humans have eaten some animals in our time. We generally eat only their muscles, milk, or eggs. However, some humans are known to eat muscle egg milk and many other animal parts. Those humans have (just now) earned the scientific name anymunchers. Those crinkly individuals eat lots animal pieces-parts that other humans do not consider delicious.

So in this aforementioned garden, I planted chards, beets, parsnips, lettuces, tomatoes, onions, potatoes, garlics, beans, (pop)corns, squashes, and members of the cabbage family: please say hello to Budding Broccoli, Brussels Sprouts, and Tiny Turnips (planted them a bit late), all of whom (along with their kaley cousins) are still in the garden and are very happy to live there even in the dead of winter. All of these items are very delicious indeed. However, chards and beets (both of whom are also in the same family), had to be harvested before the Big Freezes come, because they would otherwise be frozen to death and rendered non-delicious. Well the beet roots might survive a deep freeze (temperatures in the 20s or lower) but the greens, not so good.

And we do love beet greens.

We’ve eaten beet greens raw in the past… they are quite nice when picked very early and added to salad. However, our favorite way to eat beet greens is to simply steam them with about an inch or so of water in the bottom of the pot and blast the heat on high until the steam makes the top of the pot start to dance. The result is a very tender and delicious side vegetable that makes a fantastic addition to just about any warm meal. The other day we had some with some pig muscle (a.k.a. pork) steaks I had marinated and thrown on the grill. Mmmm barbecued, marinated pig muscles with hubbard squash and beet greens! Truly mondiferous! And mondiferous isn’t even a real word! One can get frightened after eating beets. I remember a beet laden meal from days of yore. The following day, while sitting in the bathroom, I arose and (may or may not have) shouted, “OH GOD!!! I’M BLEEDING!!!”

Nope. It was just the beets!

We have a waste not, want not policy here. If we have leftovers, they sit in the fridge for a day or two, sometimes a bit longer but usually less than 8 months. If we decide not to snarf them it’s time to toss them into the freezer. By the way, the only proper way to store leftovers in the freezer is to put them in a container and throw them with great force from a distance of at least 15 feet. Please do not judge us when you come to visit if you see splatter marks here and there from less than successful leftover tossings. Oh, and it’s always best to make sure the freezer compartment door is open before you toss. So umm… yeah, don’t judge from the numerous dents in the freezer compartment door on top of the fridge. The leftover tossing “accidents” give us greatly humorous laughing chuckles with the eyes squinting while we shudder with ha ha convulsions that confuse visitors and also birds who spy us from the outdoor feeder.

Most recently, we placed both some homemade stir fry and some leftover Chinese food in the same freezer container. Well OK, the homemade stir fry went in first, but there was enough room for the left over “Tofu With Vegetable” entree from our local Oriental Gardens cookery. Both sat in the freezer for about 17 weeks (or perhaps only 9 days) and I scratched my head with a rake (or perhaps my fingers) in an effort to decide what to do with this combo. Then I saw what was left of the beet greens. About a cup or so of greens, and maybe two cups of purple water from cooking. I said to myself, “Let’s have some purple soup!!” I removed the container with leftover stir fry / tofu stuff from the freezer, got on top of a chair, and PLOPPED the contents into the pot with the beet greens. Purple juice flew everywhere, ha ha, very humorous chuckling with eyes squinting and convulsive shuddering. The birds were not amused. OK, perhaps we don’t really throw food around like that.

But I tell you what, the purple soup was holy mackerel wow oh my word yum yum delicious!

Here are some interesting cooking methods you might find entertaining.

I Hate Computers

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So there I was, minding my own business, 640 feet above sea level (well OK maybe a little more because my office is on the second floor of our house), surfing the interwebs, when suddenly I got a notification that my computer needed some Microsoft updates, but I was a bit leery of this phenomenon because my computer is rather old and I’ve had loads of enjoyment with similar scenarios but I figured “Oh well, hopefully it will be OK;” so I applied the updates well before I wrote this run-on sentence.

Did I mention that I was a bit leery about this? Did I mention I have an old computer? Did I mention that my printer is old also? No, I did not mention the old printer. Did I mention that the computer and printer worked fine for a very long time with no issues? No, I didn’t mention that; but guess what happened after I applied these marvelous Windows 10 updates? My printer is don’t working. All my icons are karploofenated. The weather, Microsoft Edge, and other crap I never wanted appeared on my desktop. My audio is also don’t working. I am not pleased. I am actually rather disgusted. So annoyed was I, all this fun caused me to repeat one of my favorite sayings that I often uttered during my tenure as a factory floor IT support guy: I hate computers.

I’ve been retired for a little over 2 years now, but I used that silly mantra so often during my work times that it spilled over into situations that often were not at all related to technology. For example, if I drop an egg on the floor, I’ll exclaim, “FLARN!! I HATE COMPUTERS!!” My wife will ask me what’s wrong, and when I explain that I broke an egg on the floor she just chuckles a bit and shakes her head. Let me be clear though, I only hate computers when they are being naughty. And I especially dislike them when an update comes to visit and makes “improvements” that render my devices useless.

Tried to restore the system twice times. No good. Then tried reinstalling drivers. Still no good. At least the network stuff still worked so I could dance around the interwebs looking for a solution to all this happy flangelboofen. Tried this, that, and the other thing. Still no printing, no audio. Revisited the “Recovery” option in control panel. No more chances for system restore, but a magical statement appeared: “If you’re having problems with your PC, go to settings, and try resetting it.” Well I sure didn’t want to lose any data, but I remembered I did a backup not too long ago. I reluctantly clicked the link, and was able to return my computer to a previous version. In other words, I got the option to bring Windows back to what it was before the stupid updates.

HOLY MOLY!! AUDIO WORKS NOW!! OK… let’s try to print. Nope!! Oy yoy yoy. Back to researching on the webbernets. Uninstalled, reinstalled the printer about 8 times. No worky. Not a darn thing wrong with the printer… it’s just old. More searching… found that I had to “fool” the computer into talking to the printer by saying it is a “USB Composite Device.” Then… holy flerking schnitt… the printer is working!! I made a little document about how to perform this little trick and saved it in the folder with the drivers. For good measure, I went into the bowels of the computer and disabled the automatic updates. That’ll show those Microsoft weenies!! Well no, it won’t, but it will hopefully preserve some of my sanity.

Have I mentioned that I hate computers?? Well OK, I’m not in computer hating mode right now because everything works. But hey, why can’t these Microsoft noodleheads leave well enough alone?? Ya know what I mean?? I bought this computer as a refurb with a one year warranty. Retailed for about $2000 when it was new, I paid $250 for it a couple years after it was released. Now it’s approaching 12 years old, but it works like a charm. And the printer is about the same age… and yes, it also works very well. Seems we could save the planet by making things last; but NOOOO… the manufacturers want us to keep buying the latest and greatest junk so the older, still working wonderfully junk can go into the landfill. This philosophy makes me to barf on the ground.

Oh well, lesson learned. No more automatic updates for this guy. Not with an old computer… that’s bad juju. Cortana can smell my toes, whoever she is. And I don’t need Edge, thank you very much. Bing also makes me to barf on the ground. None of these are present after all the tweaking I did to get this machine back to “normal.” No, I’m just very grateful I have the skills to resurrect an old computer after Microsoft tried to take it away from me. And yes, I will likely continue to grumble when just about anything goes wrong, technical or no, and blurt out my work mantra.

I hate computers.

I bet Charlie Chaplin would have hated computers too… this is one of my favorite scenes from the movie “Modern Times.”

This has nothing to do with computers, but it’s one of my favorite Three Stooges shorts. I have no idea how they came up with the title, but anyway…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTdhqU8cLzc

If I Were King

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Dunno about youse folks, but I’m completely sick up and fed with all the nasty political ads. In fact, I’m even sick up and fed with the nice political ads. And I’m truly disgusted at all the lies and completely made up stuff that some of these jokers are tossing around!! What ever happened to courtesy and respect? They seem to be dwindling all too rapidly. I fear for our democracy… you know, that weird system where people vote for their choices and the outcome is respected by BOTH sides?? But most of all, I am frightened by those who believe violence is an acceptable way to resolve differences.

Anybody listening? I truly hope we can all pull together. Lots of protesting in the streets these days by disillusioned citizens. While I agree with many of their sentiments, I can’t help but ask, “are you gonna vote??” 

PLEASE VOTE!!

So, enough about all that (for now). This is supposed to be another installment of “Happy Friday!!!” and from this moment forward, I’m gonna try to make it something that will produce a smile or two. Therefore and to-wit (that’s legal talk), I’ve decided to appoint myself King for a Day. Tomorrow, you can be King. Unless of course you’d rather be Queen; in which case you are probably much more powerful than a King because of all the cool moves you can make on the chess board. So the next day someone else can be in charge, and it will be a rotating kind of thing. Kings and Queens, Princes and Dukes; run around in circles till everyone pukes.

Now of course it’s time to steal some lyrics from a Three Dog Night Song:

“If I was the King Of The World,

I’d tell you what I’d do.

I’d throw away the cars and the bars and the war

And make sweet love to you.”

Perhaps I wouldn’t make love to you; because I don’t even know you. Besides, my Beautiful Girlfriend has allowed me to be her lover for many years; and I don’t want to mess that up you see. She’s my One and Only. I don’t care how much candy you have in your glove box or how much pickled herring you “accidentally” left in my fridge; my lovin’s are reserved for my Honey Pie and nobody else. Get it? OK, cool. Yes, I’ll give you hugs and love you unconditionally. Just not in a married kind of way. Am I making myself clear? Do you get where I’m coming from?? Do you know who this is?? Do you know who you’re tawkin’ to???

OooK… sorry I got sidetracked. Alright… make-a-believe I’m King of the World. First order of business: everybody has to be nice to each other. NOW!! Don’t make me say this again!! Do I have to stop this car?? Do you want to go in the corner?? Whatsa matta wichyoo?? Anyhow??

Sheesh. Just be nice awreddy.

Second order of business: this home we call Earth is getting pretty doggoned dirty with human garbagey pollutiony thingies. Poisons! Broken stuff! Single use plastics!! Oy yoy yoy!! Time to clean up or no more play time!! You see these toys you like so much? Huh?? You wanna play with them ever again?? Well you better listen up and clean your room!! And yes, by your room, I mean Earth!!

That’s a pretty big room…

Third order of business: BE NICE TO EACH OTHER!! Oh wait… I said that awreddy. Well I’m sorry… but youse kids have me all fired up here and now you got me tawkin’ like I’m still livin’ on Long Island. Well OK, maybe not youse kids, but those violent KKK Nazi Oath Keeper Proud Boys people.  They make me to barf on the ground.

Fourth (and last) (for today) (I think) order of business: keep a close eye on all these elected official Bozos (and Bozettes). Remember that silly statement, “government of the people, by the people, and for the people?” That means us… it’s our responsibility to make things right. The people we voted for are merely representatives; and we need to keep them accountable. Sure that takes time and effort; but if we don’t do that we’re letting the foxes guard the hen house.

Ooops!! One more order of business (then I’ll let someone else be King) (or Queen): one of the strongest, most effective votes we have is how we spend our money. Buy locally, think globally. Pay attention to where your food comes from and how it was produced. Give the locals first chance at your dollars. We need to support each other!

Now is the time for the extra long sentence which I forgot to include in many previous “Happy Friday!!!” installments because I was either too cribbly boo or perhaps too forgetful to remember (oldtimer’s disease?) that such sentences often bring joy to those who like to see grammar mangled into a small moldy piece of cheesecake in the bottom left corner of the refrigerator; which of course reminds me of the fact that although I know how to pretend to spout off orders as if I were King, I don’t know anything; I never did know anything; but now I know I don’t know anything. I used to think I knew lots of stuff; but that was before I got learnified via the pains of growing older and wider (<— not a spelling goof there) and realized that the more I learn the less I know.

Knowing that I don’t really know much makes me wonder if I’m now qualified to run for office.

NO!! I just wanna be King!!

A Halloween Tradition

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For many moons now, we’ve enjoyed the ritual of pumpkin carving prior to Halloween. Our son-in-law has been providing the gourds for the past several years from his pumpkin patch. My Beautiful Girlfriend puts on a big pot of her amazing chili, complemented by some delicious corn muffins. After dinner we spread newspapers all over the kitchen table, put a bucket in the middle for all the guts, and let our imaginations soar.

Once the jack o’ lanterns are complete, it’s time for the traditional group photos. We line up our artwork on the breakfast bar, and each carver sits behind their sculpture. I set my camera on a tripod, set the timer, and take a couple shots with the lights on. Finally we open the pumpkins to light the candles, kill the lights, and get a shot with each person’s face glowing in the night above their respective pumpkins. We’ve had some pretty cool photos over the years if I must say so myself. Here are a couple samples from this year’s carving fun.

We’ve also subjected our grandsons to annual viewings of It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. This is an old favorite of course, especially so in the case of my Honey Pie. Very important for her to watch that flick every year, and I have to admit that I enjoy it too.

Ollie, our oldest grandson is 13 this year, Gabe is 9. Both watched the movie politely and even enjoyed it… but Ollie mentioned he’d like to watch something a little more terrifying for Halloween. I mentioned Frankenstein, and his eyes lit up a bit. I followed up with a suggestion of Abbott And Costello Meet Frankenstein and a big grin brightened up his face. But guess who’s gonna enjoy trick-or-treating more on Monday?? If you guessed both, I’m thinking that’s accurate; although Gabe will likely be more pumped up about the whole deal. But this is part of the tradition too, and of course we’ll accompany them on their candy collection journey. As a bonus, it’s at least as much fun to enjoy the getups of other people’s kids (and often their parents) as we traipse through the neighborhoods.

As I began writing all this I couldn’t help reflecting on how blessed we are to have a loving family that enjoys such annual celebrations. I know “Happy Friday!!!” is often a vehicle for me to present a humorous spin on things (and often be just plain silly), but once in a while it’s good to let the gratitude fly out of my fingers and onto the keyboard. So Monday brings yet another Halloween, complete with walking a few miles while the grandsons go trick-or-treating. Doesn’t get much better than that.

And we might even mooch some candy!!

Now please to enjoy the seasonal video surprises.